When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sport facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This
essay will discuss
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
planning of
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
town. Urbanists need to choose
type
Add an article
the type
show examples
of building when they plan to build something in a certain place. We will consider public parks,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities and shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. And
also
we will compare these variants.
To begin
with public parks. It is a pleasant and nice place, where people can breathe
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fresh air,
spend
Correct word choice
and spend
show examples
their time with their friends or their girlfriend.
Also
, somebody will do sports,
for example
, running. Somebody can take photos of plants or animals and enjoy a conciliation with nature.
Moreover
, amateurs of natural science and biology will
be satisfy
Change the verb form
be satisfied
show examples
when they walk around a forest. We can set up
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities there,
thus
people can work out and they will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
sportive
Correct word choice
sporty
show examples
,
healthy
Correct word choice
and healthy
show examples
and they will have a stout body. Mental and physical health are very important compounds for
welfare
Add an article
the welfare
show examples
of society. It is a low-cost variant for construction. To continue with shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. It is a huge building, where somebody can buy
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
show examples
list of
commodies
Correct your spelling
commodities
.
Besides
, people can spend their time culturally here and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
relax in the
sinema
Correct your spelling
cinema
or eat in
Add an article
the foodcourt
show examples
foodcourt
Correct your spelling
food court
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, shopping malls are not very safe
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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, because fire or
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
accidental situations sometimes appear there.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
we should consider high-cost
this
great building. In conclusion, I rather agree with
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
show examples
of
this
essay. Public parks and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
dont't
Correct your spelling
don't
have explicit disadvantages, but more
cheapful
Correct your spelling
cheap
helpful
cheerful
compared with shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear structure, but it could benefit from more development and clarity in expressing clear and comprehensive ideas. Try to expand on your points with specific reasons and examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally organized, but it could be improved by using more transition words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Also, your essay should have a more definitive conclusion that summarizes your key points.
overall structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for readability.
language use
The use of a variety of sentence structures enhances the readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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