In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advatanges of having an ageing population outweigh the disavantages?
It is argued whether older individuals are considered an issue for governments . But that might not be the case , people
off
all ages are equally important in order to form a society . In Replace the word
of
this
essay
I will Add a comma
essay,
further
elaborate my views to reach a logical conclusion .
Overall
, governments are considering older
population as a threat to the Correct article usage
the older
economy
in regards
to the healthcare system Fix the agreement mistake
regard
that is
being provided to them therefore
it results a higher payment to the overall
govenmental
Correct your spelling
governmental
government
expences
.
First and foremost , Correct your spelling
expenses
older
generation Add an article
the older
are
a requirement to form a balanced society . These people are our ancestors and grandparent , at some point in their lives they contributed to the Change the verb form
is
economy
's growth for decades , in
addition
we can describe it as Add a comma
addition,
somewhat
difficult Correct article usage
a somewhat
periods
where there was no technology and advanced Fix the agreement mistake
period
equipments
if we are comparing it to the Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
21th
century . By that means , even though they are currently unable to add value to the Change the ending
21st
economy
we must not forget their past contrubutions
.
In terms of Correct your spelling
contributions
Correct article usage
the goverments
goverments
perspective , it should not cause a problem , because there are various Correct your spelling
government
governments
alternitives
that would help with the additional Correct your spelling
alternatives
expences
in Correct your spelling
expenses
healthcare
system . Add an article
the healthcare
Such
as retirement funds ,life insurance , and tax payments . For example
, the
retirement funds Correct article usage
apply
is
a type of fund that requires an individual to pay a certain amount of their income at their early to mid age to the fund manager Change the verb form
are
then
it gets invested therefore
it would be maximized so when they reach a certain age the fundmanager
pays Correct your spelling
fund manager
then
back .
In conclusion , older individuals are a
part of Change the article
apply
a
society and they are equal to any other age category , by that means we should not forget the huge impact and how they contributed to the Correct article usage
apply
economy
in the past , therefore
there are Correct article usage
a varity
varity
of options in order to fix any difficulties regarding Correct your spelling
variety
goverment
problems .Correct your spelling
government
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task achievement
Although the essay covers both viewpoints, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion and more evenly distributed points for both advantages and disadvantages. This would improve your overall task response score.
coherence cohesion
The essay would be stronger with better organization of ideas and clearer transitions between paragraphs. Consider using more linking phrases to improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Including more specific examples would greatly enhance your argument. Use real-world statistics or hypothetical yet plausible scenarios to support your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for what you will discuss in the essay, which is a good start.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your stance, which adds clarity to your argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and touches upon several key points regarding the benefits and challenges of an aging population.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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