Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be mad more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #shoud #people

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Sweet foods and beverages are becoming more and more popular every day and some

people

believe that increasing the price of these

products

can reduce

people

's consumption and prevent future health problems preemptively. By highering the cost of

this

junk food not only can't hold

people

's usage but

also

can have some negative effects adversely. One of the negative effects that can fail

this

approach is; that

people

might be more curious about these

products

and oppositely turn to buy them as luxury

products

For instance

, in 2011, a similar theory about cigarettes happened, and by increasing the price unexpectedly the number of smokers increased.

On the other hand

this

idea might increase the number of non-beneficial jobs and more

people

can change their jobs toward getting advantages of import or export. By

this

approach, we are making these sugary

products

contraband. In conclusion, some say that raising the price of sugary

products

can make a barricade in the amount of consumption. I would say

this

idea would have worse effects and

instead

of that, we should put effort toward advertising and even using the most famous actors, players, etc to give others awareness about health issues caused by these sweeties.

Submitted by mohammadmafi6809 on Fri Jun 21 2024

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure can be improved by making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed.

task achievement

Try to support your arguments with more concrete, varied, and detailed examples. The example provided about cigarettes is a good start, but more are needed to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are appropriately placed, but the conclusion could be stronger by summarizing more succinctly and by restating the main points discussed in the essay.

task achievement

Avoid making broad claims without evidence. Ensure that every point you make is backed up by data or a detailed explanation.

coherence cohesion

Work on sentence variety and complex sentence structures to enhance the overall readability and sophistication of your writing.

task achievement

The topic is addressed clearly, and the writer has a clear position on the issue.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure.

task achievement

The example of the cigarette price increase was relevant and added value to the explanation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

201 words

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be mad more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

Fully explain your ideas

Do you agree or disagree with government giving money to artists, rather than health care system?

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and mobile phone calls at any time for 7 days a week. Is this development more positive or negative?

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?