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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #music #cultures #ages #answers
In my
opeion
Correct your spelling
opinion
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
 is
diloge
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diverse
 between
the
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apply
show examples
different cultures and ages
due
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 different reasons.
Firstly
, when you
listin
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listen
 to
national
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the national
show examples
music
 or formal
music
for
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of
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 some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 you will
knowing
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know
be knowing
show examples
 the
natural
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nature
show examples
for
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of
show examples
these country
Change the determiner
this country
these countries
show examples
.
Secoundly
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Secondly
, the
music
bring
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brings
show examples
 the pace between
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
fourthermore
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Furthermore
,
the
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apply
show examples
people played
music
 for
reason
Correct article usage
a reason
show examples
 and that
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
secince
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sense
science
 when they
sad
Add a missing verb
were sad
show examples
 or happy or even in the war or national
fastival
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festival
.
Finaliy
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Finally
,
i
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I
show examples
 strongly
agerr
Correct your spelling
agree
 with these says and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think when we
listin
Correct your spelling
listen
 to
music
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 and country we will
kowing
Correct your spelling
know
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 culture.
Submitted by a.junini7 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your response. Start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points you'll discuss, and conclude with a summary of those points to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Elaborate on your main points with specific examples and explanations to provide a more comprehensive response. This will help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
general
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary. Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures to make the essay more engaging and ensure better readability.
task achievement
You have successfully identified some valid points on how music can bridge cultural and age differences.
general
Your essay reflects a genuine effort to address the topic and share your perspective, which shows good engagement with the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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