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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

#people #money #future
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Earning
money
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 is more important than ever before. Even though our century is well-developed both financially and medically, we are facing new challenges
such
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 as novel diseases (COVID-19), environmental issues (drought), and financial crises (wealth inequality).
Money
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 can help us obtain necessities like food, even in the forest. Capital is always crucial in every community and every era. Today, many types of illnesses are recorded, and 1-3 new infectious diseases emerge in human populations yearly. There are
also
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 concerns
such
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 as early
aging
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ageing
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 among youth and high blood pressure. Without financial stability, addressing these concerns becomes nearly impossible.
Additionally
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, in emergency cases, having financial resources can be crucial in resolving the issue. "The lack of
money
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 is the root of all evil." — Mark Twain. Children who do not have enough
money
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 may resort to criminal activities. Across the globe, minor robberies are increasing, and research shows that they are often committed by teens. Meanwhile, older people may patiently endure
such
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 situations and seek alternative solutions.
On the other hand
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, younger individuals are more insistent on indulging in activities
such
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 as parties, trips abroad, and visiting tropical places during winter. They tend to spend their
money
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 on these pursuits.
Overall
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,
money
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 is more needed by the younger generation, for education, marriage, and supporting those in need, among other things.
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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear and concise introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay, and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will help in maintaining a logical flow in your essay.
task achievement
Be specific when providing examples. For instance, when discussing financial crises, mentioning current global examples can enhance the relevance and depth of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on each point to provide deeper insight and analysis. This will make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant and contemporary issues that illustrate the importance of saving money, such as COVID-19 and environmental challenges.
task achievement
Good effort in discussing a variety of points related to the topic, such as medical concerns and financial instability.
coherence cohesion
Good use of a famous quote to emphasize the importance of money in preventing crime.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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