IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

#people #money #future
Earning
money
 is more important than ever before. Even though our century is well-developed both financially and medically, we are facing new challenges
such
 as novel diseases (COVID-19), environmental issues (drought), and financial crises (wealth inequality).
Money
 can help us obtain necessities like food, even in the forest. Capital is always crucial in every community and every era. Today, many types of illnesses are recorded, and 1-3 new infectious diseases emerge in human populations yearly. There are
also
 concerns
such
 as early
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 among youth and high blood pressure. Without financial stability, addressing these concerns becomes nearly impossible.
Additionally
, in emergency cases, having financial resources can be crucial in resolving the issue. "The lack of
money
 is the root of all evil." — Mark Twain. Children who do not have enough
money
 may resort to criminal activities. Across the globe, minor robberies are increasing, and research shows that they are often committed by teens. Meanwhile, older people may patiently endure
such
 situations and seek alternative solutions.
On the other hand
, younger individuals are more insistent on indulging in activities
such
 as parties, trips abroad, and visiting tropical places during winter. They tend to spend their
money
 on these pursuits.
Overall
,
money
 is more needed by the younger generation, for education, marriage, and supporting those in need, among other things.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear and concise introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay, and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will help in maintaining a logical flow in your essay.
task achievement
Be specific when providing examples. For instance, when discussing financial crises, mentioning current global examples can enhance the relevance and depth of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on each point to provide deeper insight and analysis. This will make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant and contemporary issues that illustrate the importance of saving money, such as COVID-19 and environmental challenges.
task achievement
Good effort in discussing a variety of points related to the topic, such as medical concerns and financial instability.
coherence cohesion
Good use of a famous quote to emphasize the importance of money in preventing crime.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: