In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advatanges of having an ageing population outweigh the disavantages?
These days, some say an ageing
society
has some drawbacks for governments
while
others believe that elderly people
bring benefits to our society
. In my opinion, an ageing population may outweigh the disadvantages because of increasing productivity.
On the one hand, increasing elderly people
can impose some burdens on governments
. This
is because governments
should allocate their budgets to healthcare in order to take care of more ageing people
. In Japan, for example
, an annual huge dept is mandatory to deal with healthcare agents such
as regular medical checkups and nursing for older individuals. The more elderly there will be in the near future, the more funds governments
must need to struggle with problems relating to an ageing society
.
On the other hand
, I believe that the elderly can be advantageous for our society
because they can be helpful as a workforce. First and foremost, they are generally well-knowledge and experienced since they have already worked for a longer life than younger. These experiences and knowledge they have learned through their entire working life can have some beneficial guides for people
, especially younger generations. For governments
, taxes can be gained from working aging
Change the form of the verb
age
people
. For another reason, some elderly people
probably are supportive of working generations. A good example can be seen in the
Japanese Correct article usage
apply
society
, where many grandparents positively take care of their grandchildren. This
collaboration seems to ease childcare burdens for working couples, contributing to strengthening productivity in our society
. As a result
, governments
may reduce funds relating to child welfare.
In conclusion, ageing people
are likely to be disadvantaged due to
increasing healthcare burdens on governments
. However
, I believe that they may be beneficial because of providing
a more efficient workforce and Wrong verb form
provide
supporting
working generations.Wrong verb form
support
Submitted by atsutaka_aratame on
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grammar
Your essay is mostly clear and easy to follow. However, be careful with small grammatical errors such as 'huge dept' instead of 'huge debt.' This can affect the overall clarity of your writing.
evidence
While your essay has relevant examples, adding more variety in examples from different countries or contexts could strengthen your argument.
cohesion
To enhance the coherence of your essay, try using more transition words and phrases to link your ideas smoothly. Phrases like 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Moreover' can help.
task response
You've successfully presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view on the topic.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your opinion that the advantages of an aging population outweigh the disadvantages.
evidence
Relevant and specific examples, particularly from Japan, were integrated well to support your points.