IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kinds of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

#people #changes #lives #kinds
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Some individuals
are struggle
Change the verb form
are struggling
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 with changing their lives. The major problems are related to young
people
 who lose career opportunities and
old
Add an article
the old
an old
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 generation who cannot cope with a changing world. The main solutions are connected with learning technologies and using gadgets.
Due to
Correct article usage
the world
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world changing
Add a hyphen
world-changing
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 old
people
 have some difficulties in awareness of new trends and gadgets. They get used to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 at home and
interact
Wrong verb form
interacting
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 with familiar
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why they are unable to alter their lifestyle. The second major problem is linked with the situation when young individuals lose their career opportunities and it is impossible for them to be promoted. Work has changed dramatically with the help of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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. And because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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knowledge in
this
 field. To illustrate
this
 some articles demonstrate that a lot of
people
 who used to work without computers,
for example
, have some problems with electronic
devises
Correct your spelling
devices
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 and apps.
For instance
, the main solution is connected with personal development in
technology
Add an article
the technology
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 sphere and understanding how it works. It will help
people
 to avoid issues in promotion and in complicated situations in the future. The second solution is related to an old generation who cannot handle
with
Change preposition
apply
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changing trends and gadgets. They are supposed to learn how to use electronic
devises
Replace the word
devices
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 and interact with different
people
 if they want something to be changed. In conclusion, for some
people
Add a comma
people,
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 it is complicated to alter their lifestyle
due to
 the fact that
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 has changed with the appearance of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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.
That is
 why individuals face difficulties in their work or understanding
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation. They have to learn how to use new things because changes are inevitable.
Submitted by sofina.elena2014 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points of the task, such as identifying problems and suggesting solutions. However, ensure to provide specific and relevant examples to fully support your arguments. For example, provide case studies or real-life examples that illustrate how technology can aid the older generation in adapting to change.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but avoid repetition and enhance the coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. Additionally, provide more in-depth explanations for each point. For example, you could elaborate on why young people might lose career opportunities due to technological advancements.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases and connecting your ideas more clearly. For instance, start the second paragraph with a sentence that links it more clearly to the introduction.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clarify the essay's purpose. They effectively summarize the main points discussed within the body of the essay.
supported main points
Main points are appropriately identified. The essay recognizes both the problems and solutions related to resistance to change, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The overall structure of the essay is logical, ensuring the reader can easily navigate through your arguments and points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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