In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples

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There is no denying the fact that a person should depend on himself in
period
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a period
the period
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of his
life
.
while
it is a commonly held belief that in many countries across the
world
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world,
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young people decide to move out from their parents'
home
once they finish school, they start
to
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apply
show examples
living on their own
of
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or
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sharing
home
Correct article usage
a home
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with friends.
This
essay will analyse
this
topic. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand
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hand,
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living
on
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in
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your own
home
has a lot of upsides.
In other words
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
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can develop the individual thinking by
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
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himself and organizing his thoughts.
In
addition
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addition,
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it helps with Monet management.
For example
, with all the responsibilities the rant, the food,and the bills all of these can develop
the
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apply
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money management
skill
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skills
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.
On the other hand
, understanding the
live
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life
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from a new
prospective
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perspective
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. It is
also
possible to say that
leavening
Verb problem
leaving
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the
home
you have been in since birth can change your entire
life
.
Moreover
, it can change the way you
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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from
a
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apply
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normal thinking tho Mach mature thinking.
For
instance
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instance,
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since you going to face the outside world alone you can not trust anyone and you will try to be more careful with people, and
That is
a
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apply
show examples
mature thinking . In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
,
i
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I
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tend to believe that
leavening
Verb problem
leaving
show examples
your
Change noun form
parents'
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parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
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home
and starting a new
life
is a wonderful thing to do and it is a big step in a person's
life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
has a significant impact on the person.
Submitted by alaa5942005 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on clarity and sentence structure. Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or unclear, which might confuse the reader.
task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to support the points. For example, mentioning personal experiences or citing studies can help to make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point, followed by supporting sentences, to improve logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which sets the stage and wraps up the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both positive and negative aspects of leaving home, demonstrating a balanced view.
task achievement
The main ideas are clear, and the essay stays on topic throughout, which shows good understanding of the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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