Some think that young people should be free to choose any career they like, while others say that they should think more realisticallyabout their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays some people think that teens and young adults have to decide about their future studies and
job
themselves in accordance with their preferences; meantime others believe that they have to think Correct subject-verb agreement
jobs
firstly
about the benefits. I suppose that Linking Words
it’s
extremely important to be fond of your work/occupation for several reasons.
In the beginning – there were a lot of people who had chosen their profession because of family pressure or because it was very fancy when they graduated from school. Sometimes they find an interest in those studies and jobs. But most of them prefer to turn their lives around and to start from the beginning in new study or work. It causes by lack of satisfaction in their lives and sometimes may lead to serious issues like depression. In Israel, Use synonyms
for example
, there are some programmes to adapt Linking Words
an adults
to a new profession in Correct the article-noun agreement
adults
an adult
short
time, based on their previous education and knowledge. I Add an article
a short
had
graduated from Unnecessary verb
apply
such
Linking Words
program
and became Correct article usage
a program
the
nurse on Correct article usage
a
basis
of my first degree in geology. I decided to do that after some years of working in cleaningCorrect article usage
the basis
,
because there was not some other job for me with my diploma.
Remove the comma
apply
Secondly
, I believe that we are not studying from the previous generation’s mistakes. Linking Words
It’s
not one of our habits. So we have to give our children an opportunity to make their own decisions and mistakes. Use synonyms
For instance
, my parents are geologists, and I Linking Words
had
seen the Wrong verb form
have
difficults
of Correct your spelling
difficulties
difficulty
such
Linking Words
profession
. But after my graduation from Correct article usage
a profession
the
school I decided to be a geologist, I thought that Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
it’s
Wrong verb form
it was
very
interesting and important job. Correct article usage
a very
Moreover
, we need to help them with their preferences. Linking Words
Otherwise
, Linking Words
it’s
a huge possibility that they will search for their path in life Use synonyms
due to
the long years without success.
In conclusion, I think that we definitely have to help our children with their own decisions, without external pressure, to have a more happy and satisfied generation.Linking Words
Submitted by anastasia on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your paragraphs to enhance coherence. Ensure each paragraph logically follows the one before it, and try to use more transition words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, your conclusion could be more developed. Reiterate your main points and provide a final thought or call to action.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, but ensure every example directly supports the point you're making. Some parts of your essay could benefit from more specific details to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both perspectives on the topic, showing a complete response.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented, indicating a good understanding of the task. Your own opinion is well-stated and supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps maintain a logical flow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.