Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Technology has numerous benefits,

however

Linking Words

, excessive use of it can lead to chronic health conditions, particularly in the younger generation.

Therefore

Linking Words

, many people think that children should stay away from using these electronic gadgets,

moreover

Linking Words

, I completely agree that the use of gadgets

such

Linking Words

as mobile phones, TVs and video games is harmful.

Firstly

Linking Words

, frequent use of electronic items can lead to impaired social skills. To be more specific, a child would spend prolonged hours at home

while

Linking Words

playing online or watching television, hindering the ability of face-to-face interaction.

Secondly

Linking Words

, excessive screen

time

Use synonyms

could possibly result in mental disorders

such

Linking Words

as depression and anxiety. In fact, WHO has found a correlation between screen

time

Use synonyms

and increasing depression.

Lastly

Linking Words

, children tend to sit in one place for longer periods of

time

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

watching or playing which promotes a sedentary lifestyle. There are numerous downsides to doing these activities,

however

Linking Words

, there are benefits as well.

To begin

Linking Words

with, watching TV can foster creativity.

For example

Linking Words

, educational programs and informative channels can broaden thinking and can lead to innovative ideas.

Additionally

Linking Words

, it enhances skills

such

Linking Words

as multitasking and decision-making as one tends to make critical decisions

while

Linking Words

playing online. There are several games which has a

time

Use synonyms

limit which demands the player to

take

Correct your spelling

make

show examples

critical decisions at that point. In conclusion, the usage of electronic devices has disadvantages

such

Linking Words

as social isolation , mental issues and a sedentary lifestyle.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are some advantages

such

Linking Words

as increased creativity, multitasking and decision-making skills. Parents and teachers should monitor and limit the activities for the child's well-being.

nihalshetty384Wed Jul 17 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that your ideas are fully developed in each paragraph without leaving any loose ends. For example, your second paragraph could benefit from further elaboration on how exactly screen time leads to sedentary behavior.

coherence cohesion

Work on transitioning smoothly between benefits and disadvantages. While the essay is relatively cohesive, a clearer transition could strengthen the flow.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, and both effectively encapsulate the main points of your argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured, making it easy to follow your arguments.

task achievement

You provided relevant specific examples, such as the WHO study on screen time and depression and the time-limited games, to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

265 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Many people suppose that a good method to bring individuals from a variety of nations or stages of life is music. I totally agree with this opinion due to the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
6
band
some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunityto help others. to what extend do yopu agree or disagree
Some people believe that one of the prominent benefits of being affluent is that they can think of others. I, personally agree with the said notion that rich people can play a crucial role in uplifting the condition of poor people because of mainly two reasons; firstly, they are capable of doing various charitable works. Secondly, they can create employment opportunities for people.
9
band
It is common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?
These days, it is a common aim of many people leaving university to try to start up their own company. They believe that running a business has many advantages over working for someone else, such as the freedom to make your own decisions. I agree with this point of view, but it is important to bear in mind that running a business does not suit everybody.
7.5
band
Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
In recent years, extreme sports have become increasingly popular, and some people argue that governments should prohibit them. I completely disagree with the idea that these sports are too dangerous, and I therefore believe that they should not be banned.
6.5
band
Today more and more tourist are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?
Traveling around the world undoubtedly has its advantages and disadvantages, particularly when it comes to visiting challenging or remote destinations. This essay will explore both the pros and cons of such travel experiences.

Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunityto help others. to what extend do yopu agree or disagree

It is common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Today more and more tourist are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?