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Band 4.5

Some people believe that if an individual behaves in an anti-social manner, such as committing a crime, then society is to blame. What are the causes of anti-social behavior? Who do you think is responsible?*

#people #manner #crime #society #behavior
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Individuals with anti-social
manner
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manners
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 exist in any society. They make up a small proportion
in
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of
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 the population, but they
expecially
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especially
 often commit crimes
therefore
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 these persons are
danger
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a danger
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for
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to
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 other people. We will discuss
causes
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the causes
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 of anti-social
behavior
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behaviour
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 and responsibility for it. The first
reason
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 in my opinion is a biological factor. Some children
was
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were
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borned
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born
 with innate deviations, we can identify not all ones, only remarkably diseases.
Hence
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 some adult individuals
inclined
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are inclined
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 to anti-social behaviour because of their disorder. We can try to identify these persons and provide medical care.
Nobody
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Nobody is
Nobody was
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 responsible for their anti-social manner, it is a natural error. The second
reason
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 is a required mental disorder. It is a similar case to the first
reason
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. Miscellaneous psychiatric traumas are a serious risk for every person, not only for poor and unsuccessful people
,
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apply
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 but even for
the
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apply
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great scientists,
for example
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, John Nash, who suffered from
a
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apply
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paranoia.
Problem
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The problem
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 for society is
identification
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the identification
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these
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of these
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 individuals in
early
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the early
an early
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 stage of
disease
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the disease
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. The next interesting
reason
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 is
problem
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the problem
a problem
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 of
migrants
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, especially illegal
migrants
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. The collision of culture necessarily emerges when
migrants
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 from distant countries with unlike
culture
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cultures
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 come
in
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to
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 different
country
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countries
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. These men figure an ideal society else than
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the indigenous
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indigenous
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Indigenous
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 population because
of
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apply
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Linking Words
this
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these
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 two
group
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groups
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 of
population
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the population
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seem
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see
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 each other
as
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apply
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anti-social.
Solution
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The solution
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 is
a
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apply
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border control and verification
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migrants
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of migrants
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 for compliance
of
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with
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 local culture and respect
its
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apply
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. And
also
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 we need a check of language knowledge. The Border Guard Service
Linking Words
also
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is also
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 responsible for the crime of
migrants
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, but the executor of the crime
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also
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is also
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 guilty because unawareness
don't
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doesn't
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unleashes
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unleash
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from
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apply
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responsibility. To summarise we must
to
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apply
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learn
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about a
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a
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the
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 source of incorrect behaviour, it is very important to set up
of
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apply
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a system the punishment
more
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is more
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 fair.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clear and logical structure for your essay. This means having a strong introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a succinct conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are well-supported with specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs. This helps guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses multiple causes of anti-social behavior, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You attempt to analyze the issue from different perspectives, which adds depth to your argumentation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Anti-social behavior: Actions that harm or lack consideration for the well-being of others.
  • Norm: A standard or pattern, especially of social behavior, that is typical.
  • Unstable family environment: A family situation that lacks consistency and safety.
  • Socioeconomic factors: Aspects related to economic activity and social position, such as income, education, and employment.
  • Peer pressure: The influence from members of one's peer group to behave in a manner similar or acceptable to them.
  • Desensitize: Make someone less likely to feel shock or distress at scenes of cruelty, violence, or suffering by overexposure to such images.
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