Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

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this

moment, an increasing sum of folks with diseases are inclined to substitute medicines and

treatments

instead

of going to their regular doctor. I tend to a negative development for

this

phenomenon because of the safety and the guarantee provided by some alternate

medication

, here are some

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of my

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outlines.

Firstly

, alternative medicines and

treatments

are not always safe since it produced

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from

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ingredients

wheter

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whether

were

formulated by

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an expert

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expert

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experts

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or not. Since the formulation

not

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is not

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suits

Wrong verb form

suited

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with

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patience problems it can lead

malpractice

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to malpractice

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. Malpractice is a case when

patience

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patients

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get

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gets

show examples

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unappropriate

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inappropriate

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medication

then

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

disadvantages

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to disadvantages

show examples

for

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their

health

condition. As an example, in

Indonesia

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Indonesia,

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there are many malpractice cases caused by some reasons. One of them is some people still

assured

Verb problem

refuse

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Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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traditional drugs to heal theirself

due to

cheaper prices

as a result

their condition

become

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becomes

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worse than before.

Secondly

, individuals

also

consider

about

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apply

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their risk since

that

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apply

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there is the

availabilty

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availability

health

insurances

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insurance

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Health

insurances

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insurance

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are important document to avoid unexpected happens

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their

health

condition.

This

letter can be claimed by requirements

such

what

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apply

show examples

the reason

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for

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diseases and other data. Assume that if

human

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a human

show examples

obtains

treatments

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from

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random

Correct article usage

a random

show examples

practitioner

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practitioners

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then

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and then

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failed

Wrong verb form

fails

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, which one

that

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apply

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can be the reason for

claim

Wrong verb form

claiming

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insurances

Fix the agreement mistake

insurance

show examples

Change the punctuation

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For instance

, in 2023 there was a case of 10 years old child

died

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who died

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in 10 minutes after

uncredible

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an uncredible

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suster was wrong to bring suitable

treatments

Thus

, the family become

panic

Replace the word

panicky

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since there

are

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further

responsibility from

clinic

Add an article

the clinic

show examples

From

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that case, it more safer to get

proper

Correct article usage

a proper

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doctor than

random

Correct article usage

a random

show examples

clinic which

not

Add a missing verb

has not

show examples

proven

Add a missing verb

been proven

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yet. In conclusion, the safety and guarantee are the reasons why I choose

negative

Add an article

the negative

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impact of alternate

medication

. People must think thoughtfully before they decide to choose

proper

Correct article usage

the proper

show examples

medication

Submitted by damayanti.nsd on Sat Jun 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure correct use of English expressions and idioms. Phrases like 'sum of folks' need correction to a more natural 'number of people'.

coherence cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. For example, rephrase the first point to: 'Firstly, alternative medicines and treatments can pose serious safety risks.'

coherence cohesion

Improve grammar accuracy. Some sentences are hard to follow due to grammatical mistakes and incorrect word usage. For example, 'Since the formulation not suits with patience problems' should be 'Since the formulation does not suit the patient’s problems'.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

You have identified key reasons why you believe this is a negative development, such as safety concerns and issues with health insurance claims.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
51Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

What to do next:

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this? How could more people be encouraged to come into the teaching profession?

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that a country will benefit greatly by a high percentage of young people going to universities. Others argue that it only leads to a higher unemployment rate. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.