Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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On
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At
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this
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moment, an increasing sum of folks with diseases are inclined to substitute medicines and
treatments
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instead
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of going to their regular doctor. I tend to a negative development for
this
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phenomenon because of the safety and the guarantee provided by some alternate
medication
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, here are some
my
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of my
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outlines.
Firstly
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, alternative medicines and
treatments
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are not always safe since it produced
by
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from
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ingredients
wheter
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whether
were
formulated by
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an expert
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expert
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experts
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or not. Since the formulation
not
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is not
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suits
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suited
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with
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to
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patience problems it can lead
malpractice
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to malpractice
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. Malpractice is a case when
patience
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patients
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get
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gets
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a
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an
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unappropriate
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inappropriate
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medication
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then
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lead
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leads
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disadvantages
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to disadvantages
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for
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to
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their
health
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condition. As an example, in
Indonesia
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Indonesia,
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there are many malpractice cases caused by some reasons. One of them is some people still
assured
Verb problem
refuse
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a
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apply
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traditional drugs to heal theirself
due to
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cheaper prices
as a result
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their condition
become
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becomes
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worse than before.
Secondly
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, individuals
also
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consider
about
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apply
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their risk since
that
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apply
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there is the
availabilty
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availability
of
health
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insurances
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insurance
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.
Health
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insurances
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insurance
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are important document to avoid unexpected happens
on
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to
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their
health
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condition.
This
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letter can be claimed by requirements
such
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as
what
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apply
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the reason
of
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for
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diseases and other data. Assume that if
human
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a human
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obtains
treatments
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by
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from
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random
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a random
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practitioner
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practitioners
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then
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and then
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failed
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fails
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, which one
that
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apply
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can be the reason for
claim
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claiming
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insurances
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insurance
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.
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?
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For instance
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, in 2023 there was a case of 10 years old child
died
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who died
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in 10 minutes after
uncredible
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an uncredible
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suster was wrong to bring suitable
treatments
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.
Thus
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, the family become
panic
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panicky
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since there
are
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is
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no
further
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responsibility from
clinic
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the clinic
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.
From
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In
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that case, it more safer to get
proper
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a proper
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doctor than
random
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a random
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clinic which
not
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has not
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proven
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been proven
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yet. In conclusion, the safety and guarantee are the reasons why I choose
negative
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the negative
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impact of alternate
medication
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. People must think thoughtfully before they decide to choose
proper
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the proper
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medication
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by damayanti.nsd on

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task achievement
Ensure correct use of English expressions and idioms. Phrases like 'sum of folks' need correction to a more natural 'number of people'.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. For example, rephrase the first point to: 'Firstly, alternative medicines and treatments can pose serious safety risks.'
coherence cohesion
Improve grammar accuracy. Some sentences are hard to follow due to grammatical mistakes and incorrect word usage. For example, 'Since the formulation not suits with patience problems' should be 'Since the formulation does not suit the patient’s problems'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified key reasons why you believe this is a negative development, such as safety concerns and issues with health insurance claims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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