Some people believe that nuclear weapon is the solution to world peace. Others, however, think that they only cause conflicts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In August 1945 our
world
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changed forever when two atomic bombs
was
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were
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thrown on
Japanise
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Japanese
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cities Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The effect of the explosions was stunning. The cities were devastated totally. It was the start of the new era of military technologies. Henceforth
the
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apply
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global security was based on the balance of
the
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apply
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nuclear
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weapon
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weapons
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between the different
countries
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. After 1945 our
world
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created much more the horrendous
weapon
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is based on Hydrogen with
power
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the power
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of hundreds of megatons. In
this
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essay we will discuss
reliability
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the reliability
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of the peace
with
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by
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using
the
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apply
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nuke
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nukes
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,
we
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and we
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will think about eventual conflicts with the use of
the
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apply
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mass destruction
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weapon
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weapons
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. The first side of the discourse believes that the nuclear
weapon
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will bring
the
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apply
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eternal peace between the atomic states. Proponents of
this
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theory reckon that all governments of the big
countries
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pursue a rational policy
hence
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they won't start a
war
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with each other because of tremendous casualties of the civilian population and the
substantional
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substantial
damage
for
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to
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the national economy. Victory of
this
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war
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don't
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doesn't
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exist. By the end of
this
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war
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, any side of
conflict
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the conflict
show examples
will have lost more than received.
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Also
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Also,
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adepts
this
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theory
point
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points
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out that The Second
World
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War
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is
a
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the
show examples
last
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large
war
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in
the
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apply
show examples
history. All other conflicts were ongoing without straight collisions between owners of the atomic bombs. The second side of the discourse believes that the fanatic or insane government will appear in our
world
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, receive
the
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apply
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nuclear
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weapon
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weapons
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, and
solve to
Verb problem
apply
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use nuclear
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weapon
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weapons
show examples
against their enemies. The defensive pacts between the advanced
countries
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force them to join
to
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in
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spreading conflict. The global nuclear
war
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will induce
the
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apply
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irrevesible
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irreversible
climate aftermaths,
for example
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, the nuclear winter.
Much
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Many
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people will
dead
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die
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as
result
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a result
the result
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of the explosion of the bomb. The plurality of consequences will induce
to
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apply
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the
extiction
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extinction
of
large
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a large
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portion of
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the earth
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earth
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earth's
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population.
Risk
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The risk
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of
this
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terrible scenario exists
while
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the nuclear
weapon
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exists.
Moreover
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, terrorists may receive ones and use
for
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them for
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their intimidating purposes. In conclusion, I will speak my position. I believe that fears around
the
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apply
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nuclear
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weapon
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weapons
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too overvalued. I suppose that the governments of
the
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apply
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large
countries
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have a sharp wit and they
capable
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are capable
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to control
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of controlling
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the proliferation of mass destruction
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weapon
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weapons
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. And
also
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I think they will find another method
instead
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of
war
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
solution
Replace the word
solve
show examples
their contentions.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to employ more cohesive devices and linking phrases to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. It will help make your argument more compelling and logically structured.
task achievement
Work on incorporating more specific examples and concrete evidence to substantiate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
general
Be careful with grammar and spelling. For instance, correct small inaccuracies like 'was thrown' to 'were dropped', and 'Japanise' to 'Japanese'. Even though minor mistakes do not significantly affect your score, eliminating them can give a more polished impression.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction was engaging and set a historical context for the discussion, which immediately captured the reader's interest.
logical structure
You clearly presented both sides of the argument, followed by your opinion in conclusion. This structure ensures the reader can follow your thought process well.
clear comprehensive ideas
You made a clear effort to delve into complex global issues and demonstrated a good grasp of the subject matter.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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