Some people believe that nuclear weapon is the solution to world peace. Others, however, think that they only cause conflicts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In August 1945 our
world
changed forever when two atomic bombs was
thrown on Change the verb form
were
Japanise
cities Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The effect of the explosions was stunning. The cities were devastated totally. It was the start of the new era of military technologies. Henceforth Correct your spelling
Japanese
the
global security was based on the balance of Correct article usage
apply
the
nuclear Correct article usage
apply
weapon
between the different Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
countries
. After 1945 our world
created much more the horrendous weapon
is based on Hydrogen with power
of hundreds of megatons. In Add an article
the power
this
essay we will discuss reliability
of the peace Add an article
the reliability
with
using Change preposition
by
the
Correct article usage
apply
nuke
, Fix the agreement mistake
nukes
we
will think about eventual conflicts with the use of Correct word choice
and we
the
mass destruction Correct article usage
apply
weapon
.
The first side of the discourse believes that the nuclear Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
weapon
will bring the
eternal peace between the atomic states. Proponents of Correct article usage
apply
this
theory reckon that all governments of the big countries
pursue a rational policy hence
they won't start a war
with each other because of tremendous casualties of the civilian population and the substantional
damage Correct your spelling
substantial
for
the national economy. Victory of Change preposition
to
this
war
don't
exist. By the end of Change the verb form
doesn't
this
war
, any side of conflict
will have lost more than received. Add an article
the conflict
Also
adepts Add a comma
Also,
this
theory point
out that The Second Correct subject-verb agreement
points
World
War
is a
Correct article usage
the
last
large war
in the
history. All other conflicts were ongoing without straight collisions between owners of the atomic bombs.
The second side of the discourse believes that the fanatic or insane government will appear in our Correct article usage
apply
world
, receive the
nuclear Correct article usage
apply
weapon
, and Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
solve to
use nuclear Verb problem
apply
weapon
against their enemies. The defensive pacts between the advanced Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
countries
force them to join to
spreading conflict. The global nuclear Change preposition
in
war
will induce the
Correct article usage
apply
irrevesible
climate aftermaths, Correct your spelling
irreversible
for example
, the nuclear winter. Much
people will Change the quantifier
Many
dead
as Replace the word
die
result
of the explosion of the bomb. The plurality of consequences will induce Add an article
a result
the result
to
the Change preposition
apply
extiction
of Correct your spelling
extinction
large
portion of Add an article
a large
Add an article
the earth
earth
population. Change noun form
earth's
Risk
of Correct article usage
The risk
this
terrible scenario exists while
the nuclear weapon
exists. Moreover
, terrorists may receive ones and use for
their intimidating purposes.
In conclusion, I will speak my position. I believe that fears around Correct pronoun usage
them for
the
nuclear Correct article usage
apply
weapon
too overvalued. I suppose that the governments of Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
the
large Correct article usage
apply
countries
have a sharp wit and they capable
Add a missing verb
are capable
to control
the proliferation of mass destruction Change preposition
of controlling
weapon
. And Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
also
I think they will find another method instead
of war
for
Change preposition
to
solution
their contentions.Replace the word
solve
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to employ more cohesive devices and linking phrases to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. It will help make your argument more compelling and logically structured.
task achievement
Work on incorporating more specific examples and concrete evidence to substantiate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
general
Be careful with grammar and spelling. For instance, correct small inaccuracies like 'was thrown' to 'were dropped', and 'Japanise' to 'Japanese'. Even though minor mistakes do not significantly affect your score, eliminating them can give a more polished impression.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction was engaging and set a historical context for the discussion, which immediately captured the reader's interest.
logical structure
You clearly presented both sides of the argument, followed by your opinion in conclusion. This structure ensures the reader can follow your thought process well.
clear comprehensive ideas
You made a clear effort to delve into complex global issues and demonstrated a good grasp of the subject matter.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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