IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

THE CHARTS SHOW THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE WORKING INDIFFERENT SECTORS IN TOWNS A AND B IN TWO YEARS, 1960 AND 2010

THE CHARTS SHOW THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE WORKING INDIFFERENT SECTORS IN TOWNS A AND B IN TWO YEARS, 1960 AND 2010
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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of residents working in separate sectors in towns A and B from 1960 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
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 the percentage of individuals labouring in manufacturing and
sales
Use synonyms
 in
town
Use synonyms
 A decreased
while
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 the figure for services increased.
Additionally
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,
town
Use synonyms
 B witnessed a drop in the rate of people working in manufacturing but the figure for services and
sales
Use synonyms
 grew.
To begin
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,
town
Use synonyms
 A witnessed 29% of the workforce working in manufacturing in 1960, after that, it grew significantly to 64% in 2010
whereas
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 the proportion of labour working in
sales
Use synonyms
 and manufacturing experienced significant declines from 30% and 41% in 1960 to 16% and 20% in 2010, respectively.
On the other hand
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, the proportion of people labouring in manufacturing in
town
Use synonyms
 B fell from 70% in 1960 to 58% in 2010;
however
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, the figure for labour working in
sales
Use synonyms
 and services climbed from 20% and 10% in 1960 to 22% and 25% in 2011, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, town with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominant sector
  • proportion
  • employment sectors
  • distribution
  • shifts
  • trends
  • growth
  • decline
  • main sector
  • 50-year period
  • comparison focus
  • analyze
  • summarize
  • changes
  • increase
  • decrease
  • evolution
  • observed
  • highlight
  • underlie
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