IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the itadvantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

#suggest #people #job #years #school #university #itadvantages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is recommended for
students
Use synonyms
 to work in their gap year before joining the university. I will be discussing
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and disadvantages in
this
Linking Words
 essay. There are enormous advantages to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 money before
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
 higher studies.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 gain work experience and early exposure to
professional
Add an article
a professional
the professional
show examples
 environment,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 enables them to be better prepared for future career
endavours
Correct your spelling
endeavours
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, several corporate
jobs
Use synonyms
 allows them to expand professional connections in the market and helps them to
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
diverse
Correct article usage
a diverse
show examples
 set of social, life and technical skills
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for better employment.
Finally
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 having prior work experience
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to have
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 edge in successfully cracking job interviews compared to other candidates.
For instance
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Harvard
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 has a mandatory
three hour
Add a hyphen
three-hour
show examples
 credit course specifically for internship programs,
due to
Linking Words
 which
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 graduates are highly likely to secure a
well paying
Add a hyphen
well-paying
show examples
 job. The breaks extending to several years can be somewhat exhausting and many
students
Use synonyms
 may get into
jobs
Use synonyms
 which they are not
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey, many aspiring software engineers failed to secure
jobs
Use synonyms
 related to software development which ultimately halted their passion for attaining a
bachelors
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
distrubs
Correct your spelling
disturbs
 their educational goals. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time passes their
eagereness
Correct your spelling
eagerness
 and willpower to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 professional certification starts to fade and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 they ruin their life by working
low wage
Add a hyphen
low-wage
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 which they get into depression and anxiety. in conclusion, taking
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 positive approach towards personal and professional development.
However
Linking Words
, long gap years
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
student
Add an article
the student
show examples
 less motivated to continue their studies.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay should present more rounded arguments for both advantages and disadvantages. Make sure to thoroughly discuss each point you introduce, leaving no gaps in reasoning.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples rather than generalized statements. This helps in making your argument more convincing and relates better to real-world scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraph transitions are smooth. Use linking words and phrases to guide your reader through your thoughts seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Correct grammatical mistakes and typos that may distract the reader from the main points you are making. Review your writing for common spelling errors such as 'persuing' (pursuing), 'neccessary' (necessary), and 'intrested' (interested).
coherence cohesion
Improve the overall flow by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and develops a single idea thoroughly before moving on to the next point.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The example you provide about Harvard University's internship programs adds weight to your argument and offers a tangible illustration of your point.
task achievement
You address both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows that you've considered multiple perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year: A year taken off between school and university to work or travel.
  • real-world skills: Practical abilities gained through actual experience rather than academic study.
  • financial burdens: The financial pressures or difficulties one might face.
  • career goals: Objectives or aspirations related to one's professional path.
  • strengths and weaknesses: Positive and negative attributes or abilities.
  • maturity: The state of being fully developed in one's personality or emotional capabilities.
  • responsibility: The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or oversee someone.
  • communication skills: The ability to convey or share ideas and feelings effectively.
  • time management: The ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • organizational skills: The ability to plan and arrange activities or tasks systematically.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: