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Band 5.5

The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

#plans #show #layout #university’s #sports #centre #redevelopment
The maps depict some developments which will be applied to a university’s
sports
 centre.
Overall
, many amenities will be added to the
sports
 centre
such
 as an extra
pool
, a
sports
 hall and dance studios.
Moreover
, the size of the gym will be expanded.
To begin
 with, a large leisure
pool
 which includes a changing room will be added on the left
side
 of the
map
.
Moreover
, a café and a
sports
 shop will be constructed on the
right
 and left sides of the entrance respectively,
furthermore
, two dance studios will be developed on the
right
side
 of the
map
, just beside the
sports
 hall. Similar to the left
side
 of the
map
, an extra changing room is going to be built on the
right
side
 of the
map
,
right
 near the café.
In addition
, the location of the reception will remain the same and
also
 the main 25m
pool
.
Similarly
, the changing room which is attached to the main
pool
 will remain at the same location.
Moreover
, a place for seating will be considered near the
pool
 as same as the old centre. It is worth noting that the gym will be rebuilt to increase its size.
Submitted by amirahmadi9301 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is clear, but consider using paragraphs to break down the information, as it will make your essay easier to read and follow.
task achievement
You've successfully covered the major changes planned for the sports centre. However, you might want to mention if there are any parts of the centre that will remain unchanged besides those you've already mentioned.
task achievement
You have effectively described the planned changes and provided a clear overview of the new amenities.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and flows well, making it easy to understand the proposed developments in the sports centre.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • redevelopment
  • expansion
  • modern amenities
  • recreational activities
  • cater
  • enhancement
  • aesthetics
  • accommodate
  • upgraded
  • welcoming
  • significantly expanded
  • current layout
  • future layout
  • gym enthusiasts
  • modernized
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