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Band 4

In many cities an increasing number of people do not know their neighbours and there is a lack of sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

#cities #people #neighbours #lack #sense #community
In modern
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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community
Add a comma
community,
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 I observe
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of communication between neighbors
due to
 different
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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.
Firstly
, busy life
in other words
 people
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
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about
Change preposition
with
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 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 to meet their needs and to provide a good life for their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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.
Secondly
, differences between community layers
one
Add a missing verb
are one
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 of the most
Correct word choice
common issue
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 that promote from absence of communication between communities.
Finally
, it is necessary to increase the awareness among people to promote social communication by media or school.
Submitted by a.junini7 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Consider organizing it with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This will help guide the reader through your arguments in a logical manner.
task achievement
There is a need for more detailed explanations and examples to support the points you make. Try providing specific examples and elaborating on how they relate to the causes and solutions for the problem.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear and difficult to follow. Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability. Reading your essay aloud can help identify areas that may be confusing or awkward.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and attempts to identify causes and solutions.
task achievement
You have highlighted busy life and social differences as key issues, which are relevant points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Population movement
  • Diverse communities
  • Busy lifestyles
  • Long working hours
  • Digital communities
  • Personal security concerns
  • Architectural designs
  • City planning
  • Natural meet and interact
What to do next:
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