IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries paying things using mobile phone becoming increasingly common.Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages. TASK 2

#countries #phone #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the current scenario, many people are dependent on online payment modes rather than physical ones. Transferring money gradually increased
along with
 the development of phones and apps. I believe that Internet transactions have more advantages than others. The current generation is more reliable on net payments than physical methods.
for instance
, keeping a large amount in your pocket before going shopping makes you feel so scared and reluctant to travel because of Burglary. Imagine having
such
 money in a bank account by carrying your cell phone in your pocket which is really handy. Never make you feel tensed and smoothly one can do shopping.
Moreover
, nowadays all the banks started having their own banking options other than third-party apps which help us to monitor
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 and check the amount periodically by showing credited and debited amounts. sometimes the refund or pending status is
also
 observed on it. The greatest disadvantage of using mobile apps is that
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 sufficient skills and knowledge and a good network range. If a person is a new user of
this
 kind of trend needs time to adapt and understand the importance of lock and password
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
, after purchasing when you scan the barcode to pay an amount, make sure to put
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 right secured password to send cash from the bank, when it goes wrong it will get blocked automatically. whilst,
mobile
Correct article usage
the mobile
show examples
 network range
also
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
watched
Add a missing verb
be watched
show examples
 carefully before payment.
Like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
In
this
 case,
supermarket
Add an article
the supermarket
a supermarket
show examples
 was located
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the groundfloor after doing an hour
shopping
Change preposition
of shopping
show examples
 as
proceed
Wrong verb form
proceeded
show examples
 with
deposit
Correct article usage
the deposit
show examples
due to
 poor network range
cannot
Verb problem
and did not
show examples
 process the online transit.
Thus
, one cannot complete the shopping successfully. In conclusion, the importance of cell phone app usage increased nowadays without knowing the negativity on it
according to
 the user’s comfort. Apart from one drawback majority of them strongly welcome the more advantages of it.
Submitted by kiruthikakannan.pid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea.
supported main points
Try to provide more depth and explanation for your points to enhance the analytical quality of your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to grammatical irregularities and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of mobile phone payments.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly connect to the topic.
relevant specific examples
Relevant specific examples are used to support main points, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: