Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobbies

Some

individuals

think that

hobbies

are supposed to be hard to make

people

feel satisfied with them. From my perspective,

although

some

hobbies

are enjoyable because they are difficult, I do not consider

difficult

Replace the word

difficulty

show examples

Change the verb form

to be

show examples

the indispensable factor rendering

hobbies

interesting. Admittedly, the main

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

why some

people

insist that

hobbies

satisfy

peopel

Correct your spelling

people

only when it is difficult is because

that difficult

Change the determiner

that difficult hobby

those difficult hobbies

show examples

hobbies

may bring

individuals

a sense of

achievement

thus

making

people

could

Verb problem

apply

show examples

dive

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

into it. Specifically, some difficult

hobbies

require

individuals

have

Fix the infinitive

to have

show examples

many skills, which means

people

should put more

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

Change preposition

into

show examples

their

hobbies

Therefore

, if they

finally

overcome the difficulties in their

hobbies

, they will gain

Correct article usage

the

show examples

satisfaction of

achievement

For example

, swimming contains many hard styles, signifying

people

need to spend

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

show examples

time and

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

to become proficient in it. If they handle all these troubles ultimately, they can show it in front of their friends,

thus

gaining a sense of

achievement

However

, I do not reckon that

hobbies

ought to be difficult to be satisfied.

Firstly

individuals

immersed

Add a missing verb

are immersed

show examples

in some

hobbies

because they are relaxing, even if they do not contain any difficult things.

For example

, some

people

choose running as their hobby because it can relieve their pressure, generating dopamine. In that case,

people

obtain happiness in running without challenging themselves.

Secondly

people

find difficult-free

hobbies

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

enjoyable

becasue

Correct your spelling

because

they are meaningful, which means

individuals

do not care whether it is difficult or not.

For instance

, some

people

choose planting as their daily hobby because they can plant more trees to alleviate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

global warming,

thus

protecting the environment.

Therefore

individuals

find planting

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

fun without considering whether it is difficult or not. In conclusion, difficult

hobbies

may make

people

feel satisfied because it gives

people

a feeling of

achievement

but easy

hobbies

can be enjoyable as they are relaxing and meaningful.

Submitted by 1356388645 on Sun Jun 23 2024

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Grammar and Mechanics

Ensure all grammatical errors and typos are corrected to avoid distractions for the reader. For example, change "peopel" to "people," and "many time and efforts" to "a lot of time and effort."

Coherence and Cohesion

Add transitional phrases in some parts of the essay to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall readability and coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

Provide a more substantial introduction to clearly state your position and outline the main points you will cover. This will help the reader follow your arguments more effectively.

Task Achievement

The essay effectively addresses the topic by presenting both sides of the argument regarding whether hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable.

Task Achievement

Relevant examples, such as swimming and running, are provided to support the main points, which strengthens the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the author's viewpoint, ensuring the essay feels complete.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument, thereby maintaining logical structure.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

unique challenge
personal growth
mastery
accomplishment
demanding
thrill of achievement
pastimes
fostering
sense of community
mindfulness
stress relief
mental break
daily stressors

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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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