Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
individuals
think that hobbies
are supposed to be hard to make people
feel satisfied with them. From my perspective, although
some hobbies
are enjoyable because they are difficult, I do not consider difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
is
the indispensable factor rendering Change the verb form
to be
hobbies
interesting.
Admittedly, the main reasons
why some Fix the agreement mistake
reason
people
insist that hobbies
satisfy peopel
only when it is difficult is because Correct your spelling
people
that difficult
Change the determiner
that difficult hobby
those difficult hobbies
hobbies
may bring individuals
a sense of achievement
, thus
making people
could
dive Verb problem
apply
themselves
into it. Specifically, some difficult Correct pronoun usage
apply
hobbies
require individuals
have
many skills, which means Fix the infinitive
to have
people
should put more efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
in
their Change preposition
into
hobbies
. Therefore
, if they finally
overcome the difficulties in their hobbies
, they will gain an
satisfaction of Correct article usage
the
achievement
. For example
, swimming contains many hard styles, signifying people
need to spend many
time and Correct quantifier usage
much
efforts
to become proficient in it. If they handle all these troubles ultimately, they can show it in front of their friends, Fix the agreement mistake
effort
thus
gaining a sense of achievement
.
However
, I do not reckon that hobbies
ought to be difficult to be satisfied. Firstly
, individuals
immersed
in some Add a missing verb
are immersed
hobbies
because they are relaxing, even if they do not contain any difficult things. For example
, some people
choose running as their hobby because it can relieve their pressure, generating dopamine. In that case, people
obtain happiness in running without challenging themselves. Secondly
, people
find difficult-free hobbies
are
enjoyable Unnecessary verb
apply
becasue
they are meaningful, which means Correct your spelling
because
individuals
do not care whether it is difficult or not. For instance
, some people
choose planting as their daily hobby because they can plant more trees to alleviate the
global warming, Correct article usage
apply
thus
protecting the environment. Therefore
, individuals
find planting is
fun without considering whether it is difficult or not.
In conclusion, difficult Unnecessary verb
apply
hobbies
may make people
feel satisfied because it gives people
a feeling of achievement
but easy hobbies
can be enjoyable as they are relaxing and meaningful.Submitted by 1356388645 on
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Grammar and Mechanics
Ensure all grammatical errors and typos are corrected to avoid distractions for the reader. For example, change "peopel" to "people," and "many time and efforts" to "a lot of time and effort."
Coherence and Cohesion
Add transitional phrases in some parts of the essay to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a more substantial introduction to clearly state your position and outline the main points you will cover. This will help the reader follow your arguments more effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic by presenting both sides of the argument regarding whether hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, such as swimming and running, are provided to support the main points, which strengthens the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the author's viewpoint, ensuring the essay feels complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument, thereby maintaining logical structure.