IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succed. what is the reason for parents doing this? is this a positive or negetive development for the children?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently,
parents
Use synonyms
 are likely to give more and more
requiries
Correct your spelling
requires
 to their
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 on
eduacation
Correct your spelling
education
. There are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for
parents
Use synonyms
 doing
this
Linking Words
. In my opinion, giving too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 responsibilities
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 has both positive and negative
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
. On the one hand, I believe that it is essential to motivate and supervise the
children
Use synonyms
 in studying. Especially,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 kids.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
Linking Words
 age, they tend to neglect their study and spend more time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 friends gathering, social media, own
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
...
Whereas
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 period is important to prepare for
instensive
Correct your spelling
intensive
 study to university options.
For example
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 often ask their
children
Use synonyms
 about how their day in school is, what grade they
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtained
show examples
this
Linking Words
 week, what subject they do best, day by day the
children
Use synonyms
 will be
influented
Correct your spelling
influenced
 in the mind that their main duty at time is studying, not the other activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 tend to overcontrol their
children
Use synonyms
's studying schedule, focus on a range of extra classes,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 not allow
children
Use synonyms
 to do some
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities.
This
Linking Words
 point may cause negative sides.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 always compare
this
Linking Words
 child's study ability with the others, it makes the child doubt
hisself
Correct your spelling
himself
,
Correct word choice
and inconfident
show examples
inconfident
Correct your spelling
confident
in confident
 in his class. The worst thing, he is able to lose hope in studying. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should be
balance
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
 between setting the pressure on the
children
Use synonyms
 and inspiring them to enjoy their own studying.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Your ideas are generally clear, but make sure to proofread for minor errors. Words like 'requirements' should be correctly spelled to maintain clarity. For instance, 'requiries' should be 'requirements' and 'eduacation' should be 'education'.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. It would improve your essay's persuasiveness and relevance. Avoid overgeneralizing and make sure examples are directly tied to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you have an introduction and a conclusion, strive for more polished and connected paragraphs. Transitions like 'However,' 'Therefore,' and similar connectors could enhance readability and flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion provide a good framework for your discussion. It's clear what you're going to talk about, and you sum it up nicely at the end.
Task Achievement
You addressed the task quite well by explaining both reasons for parental pressure and its positive and negative effects. This shows that you thoroughly understood the prompt.
Task Achievement
You provided examples and real-life scenarios which help illustrate your points. This makes your essay more relatable and grounded.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • expectations
  • competition
  • secure future
  • societal norms
  • academic spheres
  • professional spheres
  • anxious
  • success
  • perceived social status
  • exerting pressure
  • opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: