SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (Example 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT?

#people #retirement #age #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit

This

statement refers to

employee’s

Correct article usage

the employee’s

show examples

minimum

retirement

age

have been fixed by the authorities at around 65 years and

this

rule

for

Add a missing verb

is for

show examples

all types of

job

categories. Some people argued that these rules will not match to

such

employees

and they are eligible to get a pension fund at an earlier

age

. I strongly agree with the statement by giving the below-mentioned points.

Firstly

, most of the countries’ governments have implemented a law for

employees

who are working in government sectors their minimum average

retirement

age

is between 60 to 65 years.

Moreover

, after the completion of a full period

service

Change preposition

of service

show examples

only they will become eligible to get a pension amount monthly basis. These

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

of rules will not suit

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some

employees

such

as those who are working in the nuclear sector, chemical industries and some physical works which are

giving

Verb problem

apply

show examples

potentially harmful to the

employees

’ health. To illustrate, in my country, the average

retirement

age

for public sector

employees

have

Verb problem

show examples

around 60 years.

Thus

, most of the

employees

who are physically ill get more suffered during their service period.

Furthermore

, all nations’ governments should consider their

employees

’ minimum

age

limit and endeavour to ease the rules.

However

employees

who are working in

defence

Correct article usage

the defence

show examples

department and public transport sections

need

Add the particle

need to

show examples

retire earlier, because that field contains a lot of physical work

also

the

job

is risky

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sometimes.

Due to

this

early

retirement

will be safer for them

also

, if they retire early

age

, most of the teenagers will possibly

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

get a

job

in that field.

To conclude

retirement

at an early

age

for some kind of

job

is a good legislation.

In addition

, it will

be led

Wrong verb form

lead

show examples

create

Replace the word

the creation

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

new

job

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

Submitted by smsundaram57 on Sun Jun 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph smoothly leads to the next.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Avoid general statements and focus on providing clear, comprehensive ideas to support your points.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

An introduction and conclusion are present, which help in framing the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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