SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (Example 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT?
This
statement refers to employee’s
minimum Correct article usage
the employee’s
retirement
age
have been fixed by the authorities at around 65 years and this
rule for
all types of Add a missing verb
is for
job
categories. Some people argued that these rules will not match to such
employees
and they are eligible to get a pension fund at an earlier age
. I strongly agree with the statement by giving the below-mentioned points.
Firstly
, most of the countries’ governments have implemented a law for employees
who are working in government sectors their minimum average retirement
age
is between 60 to 65 years. Moreover
, after the completion of a full period service
only they will become eligible to get a pension amount monthly basis. These Change preposition
of service
type
of rules will not suit Fix the agreement mistake
types
for
some Change preposition
apply
employees
such
as those who are working in the nuclear sector, chemical industries and some physical works which are giving
potentially harmful to the Verb problem
apply
employees
’ health. To illustrate, in my country, the average retirement
age
for public sector employees
have
around 60 years. Verb problem
is
Thus
, most of the employees
who are physically ill get more suffered during their service period.
Furthermore
, all nations’ governments should consider their employees
’ minimum age
limit and endeavour to ease the rules. However
, employees
who are working in defence
department and public transport sections Correct article usage
the defence
need
retire earlier, because that field contains a lot of physical work Add the particle
need to
also
the job
is risky at
sometimes. Change preposition
apply
Due to
this
early retirement
will be safer for them also
, if they retire early age
, most of the teenagers will possibly to
get a Fix the infinitive
apply
job
in that field.
To conclude
, retirement
at an early age
for some kind of job
is a good legislation. In addition
, it will be led
to Wrong verb form
lead
create
Replace the word
the creation
a
new Correct your spelling
of
job
opportunity
among Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
the
Correct article usage
apply
youngster
.Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
Submitted by smsundaram57 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph smoothly leads to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Avoid general statements and focus on providing clear, comprehensive ideas to support your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, which help in framing the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.