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Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do youagree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax #youagree
It cannot be denied that junk
food
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more popular,
therefore
 causing various diseases.
While
 some people consider that a higher fee should be imposed, others suggest that it will not have a significant role in reducing the consumption of fast
meal
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meals
show examples
.
This
 essay will look at both views and explain why I think there are major drawbacks in the light of implementing
this
 law. On the one hand, by increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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taxes, it is possible to reduce the consumption of fast
food
. Obviously, if the price
for
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of
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unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
the unhealthy
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 meal is considerably higher, less part of the population will be able to consume it.
Therefore
, individuals who
were
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are
show examples
 used to eating hamburgers and pizza because of a busy lifestyle, may review their diet and choose products that are cheaper and more useful for their well-being.
Furthermore
, it is apparent that there is a huge number of adolescents who prefer junk
food
instead
 of normal
meal
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meals
show examples
.
Consequently
, the higher fast cuisine duties are, the fewer teenagers will have a possibility to consume
this
food
 every day.
On the other hand
, by
rising
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raising
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a tax
Wrong verb form
taxes
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, governments will only make people allocate more finances for nutrition.
This
 may cause financial problems for individuals
due to
 a huge part
on
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of
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 their budget will be spent not on
the
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apply
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personal development, but on
basic
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the basic
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need
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needs
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 of
meal
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meals
show examples
.
Moreover
, workers who have a strict schedule
,
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apply
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 will be struggling to find a healthy alternative.
Consequently
, employees will
ought to
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apply
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provide a longer break for lunch
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 sometimes may cause
economical
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economic
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 losses. In conclusion, despite the fact that increased fees frequently may change the situation for
better
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the better
show examples
, it cannot solve the problem to the end. I believe that only by promoting a healthy lifestyle, informing the population about the risks, and providing an alternative option of natural and useful
meal
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meals
show examples
 will bring considerable effects.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion, but some points could be elaborated further with more specific examples. For instance, providing statistics or citing studies that support the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of increased taxes on fast food would make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences lack clarity and grammatical accuracy, such as 'a huge part on their budget' and 'employees will ought to provide a longer break.' Review these sentences for coherence and grammatical accuracy. Improved sentence structures will make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Better transitions between ideas and paragraphs could enhance the logical flow. For instance, linking phrases like 'However,' 'Similarly,' or 'Moreover' would help in connecting the ideas more smoothly. This would make the essay easier to follow and understand.
task achievement
The essay clearly outlines the main arguments for and against the imposition of higher taxes on fast food, and it ultimately takes a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, setting the stage for and then summarizing the discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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