In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do youagree or disagree with this opinion?
It cannot be denied that junk
food
becomes
more popular, Wrong verb form
has become
therefore
causing various diseases. While
some people consider that a higher fee should be imposed, others suggest that it will not have a significant role in reducing the consumption of fast meal
. Fix the agreement mistake
meals
This
essay will look at both views and explain why I think there are major drawbacks in the light of implementing this
law.
On the one hand, by increasing the
taxes, it is possible to reduce the consumption of fast Correct article usage
apply
food
. Obviously, if the price for
Change preposition
of
unhealthy
meal is considerably higher, less part of the population will be able to consume it. Add an article
an unhealthy
the unhealthy
Therefore
, individuals who were
used to eating hamburgers and pizza because of a busy lifestyle, may review their diet and choose products that are cheaper and more useful for their well-being. Wrong verb form
are
Furthermore
, it is apparent that there is a huge number of adolescents who prefer junk food
instead
of normal meal
. Fix the agreement mistake
meals
Consequently
, the higher fast cuisine duties are, the fewer teenagers will have a possibility to consume this
food
every day.
On the other hand
, by rising
Correct your spelling
raising
a tax
, governments will only make people allocate more finances for nutrition. Wrong verb form
taxes
This
may cause financial problems for individuals due to
a huge part on
their budget will be spent not on Change preposition
of
the
personal development, but on Correct article usage
apply
basic
Add an article
the basic
need
of Fix the agreement mistake
needs
meal
. Fix the agreement mistake
meals
Moreover
, workers who have a strict schedule,
will be struggling to find a healthy alternative. Remove the comma
apply
Consequently
, employees will ought to
provide a longer break for lunch Remove a modal verb
apply
that
sometimes may cause Correct pronoun usage
which
economical
losses.
In conclusion, despite the fact that increased fees frequently may change the situation for Replace the word
economic
better
, it cannot solve the problem to the end. I believe that only by promoting a healthy lifestyle, informing the population about the risks, and providing an alternative option of natural and useful Correct article usage
the better
meal
will bring considerable effects.Fix the agreement mistake
meals
Submitted by acaitaz on
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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion, but some points could be elaborated further with more specific examples. For instance, providing statistics or citing studies that support the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of increased taxes on fast food would make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences lack clarity and grammatical accuracy, such as 'a huge part on their budget' and 'employees will ought to provide a longer break.' Review these sentences for coherence and grammatical accuracy. Improved sentence structures will make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Better transitions between ideas and paragraphs could enhance the logical flow. For instance, linking phrases like 'However,' 'Similarly,' or 'Moreover' would help in connecting the ideas more smoothly. This would make the essay easier to follow and understand.
task achievement
The essay clearly outlines the main arguments for and against the imposition of higher taxes on fast food, and it ultimately takes a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, setting the stage for and then summarizing the discussion effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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