IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What is your opinion about a success of a team: does it depend on mental attitude of the whole team or on the strongest individual? Discuss. Give relevant examples.

#success #team #attitude
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To achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 in
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 or
games
Change the noun form
game
show examples
team
Use synonyms
 spirit is important
then
Linking Words
 only the
team
Use synonyms
 will reach the target. My opinion about
this
Linking Words
 statement is to achieve victory the
team
Use synonyms
 must require both mental
as well as
Linking Words
 physical
strength
Use synonyms
 of each individual person. The
below mentioned
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
show examples
 points are going to explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement in a descriptive manner. To analyze
this
Linking Words
 statement the first reason is any organization or
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 will not possible to depend on
single
Add an article
a single
the single
show examples
 person there will be a
team
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
. In that
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 each person’s hard
work
Use synonyms
 is very important
then
Linking Words
 only they can move forward to achieve the goal
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
like
ocean
Add an article
the ocean
an ocean
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. The ocean has
created
Add a missing verb
been created
show examples
 by
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of water drops same type
Use synonyms
team
Change preposition
of team
show examples
 spirit will give a huge
success
Use synonyms
 like that.
Hence
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
 members need mentally and physically
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
robust
Correct article usage
a robust
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 level. To supplement, physical
strength
Use synonyms
 will give energy and mental
strength
Use synonyms
 will give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence both of
Linking Words
this attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
these attitudes
show examples
 will lead to
achieve
Change the verb form
achieving
show examples
 the
success
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
team
Add an article
the team
a team
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.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 addition,
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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work
Use synonyms
 will never
fails
Change the verb form
fail
show examples
. To illustrate,
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 cricket
team
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
won the
world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
show examples
 recently because of their
team
Use synonyms
 and hard
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Argentina
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
won the football
world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 we should perceive
team
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 with good attitude both mentally and physically will take them easily to the incredible
success
Use synonyms
. In a nutshell, any difficult tasks
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 is the only solution to accomplish. Simultaneously, the
team
Use synonyms
 members should require
likeminded
Correct your spelling
like-minded
show examples
 and flexibility. Eventually, in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
team
Use synonyms
 members will
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 to develop mental and physical
strength
Use synonyms
 before
commence to
Wrong verb form
commencing
show examples
 any new task.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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task achievement
Work on making your examples more specific and directly relevant to the points you are making. For instance, discuss specific instances where team spirit made a measurable difference to the outcome of a project or game.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure each idea naturally follows from the previous one, and use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each of your main points is well-supported with clear and relevant examples. Try to avoid general or vague statements.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion successfully frame the essay and provide a clear structure for your argument.
task achievement
Your essay covers major aspects of the topic, discussing both mental and physical strengths as well as teamwork.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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