•Some people say that the best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. •To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals think that
parents
should decide free
Change preposition
on free
time
activities
for their children
while
other people indicate that children
are free to select what activities
they do in their leisure time
. Before concluding that I am in favour of the former conception, this
essay endeavors
to illuminate both perspectives.
On the one hand, it is understandable that choosing free Change the spelling
endeavours
time
activities
from the parents
is important to shape children
’s character and lifestyle. Firstly
, parents
understand that
what types of Correct word choice
apply
activities
are suitable for their children
’s development and age. This
is because that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
parents
always love and expect the best things for their children
, thereby their children
would have more healthy experiences. Secondly
, there are numerous pastimes, which are not appropriate for the children
that the parents
could organize sensibly. For instance
, there are scores violent
video games on the internet, which are interesting and addictive for Change preposition
of violent
students
nowadays, it
might lead to detrimental issues in Correct pronoun usage
which
children
’s mental and behaviours.
On the other hand
, there are numerous compelling reasons for my conviction that students
have the freedom to choose their activities
doing
when they have Unnecessary verb
apply
time
. One reason is that the children
understand them well, so they know what activities
they could enjoy playing. From that point, they could learn the way how to make a decision on
themselves and be more responsible for their decisions. Another explanation is that, if the Change preposition
for
students
could do their favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
activities
, they would improve their creativity. This
is probadly
because they are passionate about their Correct your spelling
probably
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
activities
and spend time
learning how to play and develop the activities
properly, which helps students
stimulate a high concentration not only on free time
activities
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
on other fields in studying and working in the future.
In summary, although
it is undisputed that parents
should determine free-time
activities
for their children
, I would argue that there are advantageous to let students
choose what they do in their leisure time
.Submitted by lethiphuonguyen0098 on
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task achievement
Your essay should maintain consistent terminology throughout. You refer to both 'parents' choosing activities and 'students' choosing activities; it would be better to stick to 'children' for the latter half to match the 'children' mentioned initially.
task achievement
Make sure the examples are directly tied to your arguments and always relevant. For example, your point about violent video games could be connected more closely to the broader point about parent-controlled activities enhancing safety and well-being.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors. Make sure to proofread your essay for small errors like 'probadly' instead of 'probably' and 'doing' instead of 'to do'. These can slightly detract from your argument's clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-defined paragraphs that address both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-presented, adequately previewing the topic and summarizing the arguments.
task achievement
Your points are clear and comprehensive, making it easy for the reader to follow and understand each perspective.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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