IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be decided and organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
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Many individuals think that the
best
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 effective way to connect between pupils
by
Add a missing verb
is by
show examples
 playing
team
 activities at school.
While
 I accept that
this
 perspective is justifiable, I assert that there are some other factors that are equally important to improve the
students
' integration. On the one hand, it is understandable that not only do
team
sports
 help
students
 enhance their health, but it
also
 allows them to understand have a
team
 working skills together.
Firstly
, playing
sports
 with a
team
 could promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interaction in a group of
students
.
For example
, some
team
sports
,
such
 as volleyball, basketball and soccer,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could give them a chance to learn how to work in a group effectively and productivity.
Secondly
,
team
sports
 might make
students
 more confident in cooperating with others.
Therefore
, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 express themselves and unblock their potential, which boosts their creativity and independence to develop them comprehensively. On the the hand, there are a number of compelling reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why I am convinced that there are some crucial aspects that could improve the exchange between
students
. The first reason is that teachers should have some time to let pupils share
organize
Correct word choice
and organize
show examples
 a free-time class.
For instance
, some activities
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
strenthen
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 the
realtionship
Correct your spelling
relationship
 between
students
,
such
 as word-play, which requires members in a group
cooperating
Change the verb form
to cooperate
show examples
 well to be able to help players understand and show the word
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their actions, which enhances teamwork skills for
Add an article
the pupil
a pupil
show examples
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
. Another explanation is that schools should hold some field trips for classes.
This
 might lead to an improvement in exchanging knowledge and experiences between each other in a class,
then
students
 could be able to catch up with their
team
 to achieve general goals. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that
team
sports
 are a great choice for
students
 interacting with each other, I would argue that there are other ways to enhance the cooperation of
students
.
Submitted by lethiphuonguyen0098 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, presenting both views and giving your own opinion. Make sure to develop each point more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences require more clarity. Avoid repetition of points, and try to create seamless transitions between ideas.
general
Be careful with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes such as 'strenthen,' 'realtionship,' and 'catch up with.' Providing a cleaner, error-free text will greatly enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with supported main points, showing a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like team sports and group activities adds depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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