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Band 3

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

#society #rules #laws #individuals #function
People
 must follow the
rules
 and laws that countries committed so they can't live over them.
This
 essay totally
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement because men and women must obey the laws to live all
people
 together peacefully
otherwise
 everyone will establish his/her own community and a high level of crime will
apear
Correct your spelling
appear
. Following the
rules
 is one of
humanbeing
Correct your spelling
human
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 in
life
 and if individuals have the right to behave as they like, all humans will struggle the
life
 on the same planet because the level of crimes will increase rapidly and
people
 will hurt each other
according to
 their own background thoughts or their
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 or even their desires,
for example
, Iraq after 2003 faced the hardest years in its history.
Therefore
, the
life
 fundamental reason for
life
 is the law despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the different versions of it across the world and years. Many men and women tried to do what they found suitable and illegal and ISIS is the most clear example
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the statement . A group of
people
 tried to put their own beliefs without any
rules
 which caused
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
thousands of tragedies and murdered
freakingly
Correct word choice
and freakingly
show examples
 destroyed many other lives .
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, Individuals must follow laws because they don't
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 alone on the earth so
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
 right should
be save
Change the verb form
be saved
show examples
 by
rules
 to
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 easily together and save all lives.
Submitted by s.q.ismael15 on

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task achievement
Clarify the argument in your thesis statement and ensure it is consistent throughout the essay. For example, explain clearly why you totally agree in the introduction.
task achievement
Use more specific and detailed examples to support your points. The example of Iraq after 2003 is relevant but could be elaborated to explain the impact of lawlessness more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance coherence. Ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and contributes to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point more fully. For instance, explain how laws specifically contribute to peaceful coexistence and provide additional supporting details.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance, agreeing that rules and laws are necessary for society to function.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the writer's agreement with the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social order
  • harmonious
  • individual freedoms
  • societal norms
  • unrestricted freedom
  • crime rates
  • dysfunctional
  • fair distribution
  • human rights
  • justice system
  • accountability
  • enforcing laws
  • restrictive regulations
  • societal functionality
  • legal frameworks
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