Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays many countries are faced with soaring levels of childhood
obesity
which if left unchecked, will lead to serious health problems in the future population of these countries. This
problem
can be explained by changes in our lifestyle
and diet
and it is important that we along with
the government try and address the
these changes.
The Remove the article
apply
diet
of young people
has changed dramatically over the years. Processed foods
are very popular with lots of young people
and these foods
are often laden with saturated fats and refined sugars, both of which have been proven to lead to obesity
. This
problem
is made worse by the fact that many children
lead a much more sedentary lifestyle
than in the past and are therefore
not burning the calories that they consume in their diet
. These are the main causes of obesity
in children
.
There are some things that we as individuals can do to combat this
problem
. We need to teach young people
how to lead a healthy life and encourage them to be more active. The main people
who are responsible for this
are schools and parents. The latter should also
make sure that they are aware of what their children
eat and encourage them to choose healthier foods
.
Governments can also
help to tackle this
problem
. They should promote a healthy lifestyle
for their citizens and also
make sure that children
have access to subsidised sporting facilities. Furthermore
, they could take measures to improve our diet
. They could introduce regulations about food ingredients and make unhealthy foods
more expensive for us to buy. Some countries have started to do this
by introducing a so called
‘sugar tax’ on sugary food.
In conclusion, Add a hyphen
so-called
it is clear that
growing obesity
levels amongst our youth is a burning issue which needs to be addressed or we will face huge health problems in the future. However
, as we understand the triggers, there are steps we can take to promote a healthy lifestyle
for children
.Submitted by jolo9419jmor on
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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the topic, but including more relevant and specific examples would strengthen your response. Try to provide concrete examples or case studies to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clearly presented and organized well, but you could enhance the logical flow by adding transition phrases to link your ideas more seamlessly. For instance, phrases like 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'on the other hand' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a thorough and complete response to the task, effectively addressing the issue and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, reinforcing the importance of addressing childhood obesity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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