IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries at secondary or high school, there may be two streams of study academic or vocational. what are the advantages of students and society of putting students into two streams at the age of 15?

#countries #school #two #streams #study #students #society #age
Nowadays,It is becoming more and more popular for educational systems to put
students
 to study either theoretical or occupational courses in high
school
.As
matter
Correct article usage
a matter
show examples
 of fact,in most
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 might have a
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 to
select studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 intellectual or professional
lessons
 in secondary
school
.It is obvious that there are a lot of advantages for both sides pupils and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two various
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 in high
school
.In
this
 essay,I will address some benefits of
this
 educational way and
also
 I will draw my conclusion. Let's begin by looking at some merits of providing two different
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
choices
 for pupils to study in secondary
school
.First of all,bookish
lessons
 may prepare
students
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 higher education.
However
,business studies teach
students
 how to learn a lot of various career skills for doing jobs.It is interesting to note that,one
pros
Change to a singular noun
pro
show examples
 for
students
 around 15 is that they can realise their talent and select their favourite course.
Celarly
Correct your spelling
Clearly
,some pupils might not tend to pick up tough
lessons
 and study for excellent marks.In fact,they would be interested in learning industrial work to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
find vocational jobs.
Hence
,they can select one of them based on their personal decision. Turning to the other side of the argument,putting
students
 into two different streams has many plus points for society.Actually,the association may be able to assess and apply the best academic or occupational employees into the labour market.
In other words
,the companies can have an
expand
Change the verb form
expanded
show examples
 accessibility to choose their demand employees.
To conclude
,It is believed that putting
students
 to select professional or
scholar
Replace the word
scholarly
show examples
lessons
 would be practical for them to choose their beloved course.
In addition
,the community can employ their
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 workers from various types
universities
Change preposition
of universities
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. While the essay mentions advantages for students and society, it could delve deeper into how these advantages manifest, possibly with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by dividing the essay into clearer paragraphs. Each main point could be given its own paragraph to avoid overcrowding ideas. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support main points, such as real-world scenarios or statistical data if available. This will make arguments more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, considering both student and societal benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: