It is important for people to tale risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks overweigh the disadvantages?
Some claim that taking
risks
should be essential
part of Add an article
an essential
people
's both professional and personal lives. Despite certain drawbacks, I am more of the opinion that advantages surpass its
disadvantages.
It is undeniable that we are all surrounded with various Correct pronoun usage
their
risks
in all aspects of our lives. There are some
certain hazards that might seem appealing to take, Correct quantifier usage
apply
however
, there is a high probability which
you might lose almost everything you currently possess. Sometimes by being irrational at the moment, Correct word choice
that
people
might dare to give a chance to those risks
that might have adverse outcomes which might lead them to sacrifice all their efforts and hard-works
. Correct your spelling
hard work
For example
, having higher positions in management
of companies Add an article
the management
also
means that you have to make big decisions that might result in negative consequences. This
can not only damage the reputation of both company and you, but also
make the
lose immense amounts of money.
Correct your spelling
them
However
, people
cannot improve both personally and professionally without being vulnerable to risks
. Those uncertainties always teach people
valuable lessons, even though they do not end well. There are always some takeaways from those negative outcomes that make you wiser and more experienced. In addition
, sometimes risks
equal to new challenges and opportunities to take advantage of. Encountering those hazards does not imply that this
will result in having detrimental effects. For example
, as an employee, quitting your job and starting your own business is quite challenging
and Correct article usage
a challenging
perilious
endeavor to take. Correct your spelling
perilous
However
, there is also
a chance that your company will be one of the large
businesses in the world's economy.
Correct word choice
largest
To conclude
, even though this
trend has certain negative effects on people
's lives, I believe that positive
impacts will outweigh the drawbacks since it makes Correct article usage
the positive
people
more qualified and provides them with incredibly huge opprtunities
.Correct your spelling
opportunities
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grammar
Try to reduce minor grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, instead of 'This can not only damage...but also make the lose immense amounts of money,' it would be clearer to say 'This can not only damage...but also result in losing immense amounts of money.'
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, use more transitional phrases and linking words to ensure smooth flow between ideas. Phrases like 'On the other hand,' 'Conversely,' or 'Moreover,' can improve the logical structure.
task achievement
While you do provide examples, try to elaborate and provide more specific details to strengthen your arguments. For instance, specify what kind of decisions in a professional setting could be risky but rewarding.
general
Overall, you have addressed the main points and provided a structured response with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay contains some good points and relevant examples, which help to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion neatly summarizes your standpoint.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.