IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Old building should be knocked down to make way for progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#progress
These days,
due to
 the
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 population, there is a shortage of space in the major cities.
Therefore
, some
claims
Fix the agreement mistake
claim
show examples
 that
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
 to solve
this
 problem is
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 old
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 should be knocked down.
However
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that these infrastructures represent part of our history and culture.
This
 essay will argue for the view that
this
 type of building should be collapsed in pro of progress. Even though old
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 play a crucial role in human learning, the presence of those can slow down development and progress. Currently, with the high demand
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
, it is essential to establish
building
Replace the word
buildings
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 with many stories to efficiently use space in crowded cities, particularly in famous cities
such
 as New
york
Capitalize word
York
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 or London.
Furthermore
, these structures lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in companies, which
traslates
Correct your spelling
translates
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 an improvement in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and progress.
Additionally
, removing historical
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 may result in an
increase
 in quality of life.
Stablishing
Correct your spelling
Establishing
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 could lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
show examples
 rate because these establishments imply a wide range of
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
vacants
Correct your spelling
vacant
 that locals can take.
Moreover
, due
that
Change preposition
to that
show examples
, people have more
dispoble
Correct your spelling
disposable
 money to spend on leisure activities that enhance happiness and satisfaction.
To sum up
,
although
 old buildings have important benefits, the advantages that
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
modern ones could outweigh those. Particularly, since there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
increase
 in development and economy, that can positively affect
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 with work and leisure activities.
Submitted by jennitobon16 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples or evidence. This will make your essay more persuasive and grounded.
task achievement
Focus on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure for clarity. For example, 'dramatically increase' should be 'dramatic increase' and 'traslates' should be 'translates'.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by logically connecting your points. For example, explain how knocking down old buildings directly leads to economic improvements and better quality of life.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph flows logically into the next. This will make your essay more cohesive. Use transitional phrases like 'In addition to...', 'Furthermore...', or 'Consequently...' to link your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately placed, giving the essay a clear structure.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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