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Band 5

Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#workplace #countries #outweigh
There has been an ongoing debate ,
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 practical
experience
 is more important than academic
knowledge
 . In my opinion , I
beileve
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believe
 that there is not a
singal
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single
 approach towards
this
 subject,because it depends on several aspects . In
this
 essay , I will
further
 elaborate my views in order to reach a logical conclusion .
Overall
 , hands-on
experience
 and academic
knowledge
 are equally important . in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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 they complete each other , by taking courses or studying
college
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in college
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 you will have a deep understanding of the
field
 and with practical
experience
 you get to understand it
further
 in a
real world
Add a hyphen
real-world
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 setting . First and foremost , some fields require a degree
such
 as the medical
field
 and engineering . The highly important majors that have a significant effect on us
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 to
be complied
Change to the active voice
comply
have complied
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 with
knowledge
 .
for example
 , doctors are required to have
to have
Remove the redundancy
apply
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a deep understanding
on
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of
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 the
anotomy
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anatomy
 of the physical body in order to operate .
On the other hand
 , there are other majors
such
 as finance that
leads
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lead
show examples
 to
succsses
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success
 by solely depending on practical
experience
 . Just
by
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apply
show examples
reading on various subjects including financial markets , economy , and exchange rates combined with hands-on
experience
 , will surely develop their expertise . Which is a great opportunity for individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 did not have the chance to study college .
However
 , even in fields
that
is
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are
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 not a
requirment
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requirement
 to have a degree ,gaining academic
knowledge
 will significantly improve
a
Correct article usage
apply
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one's analytical skills and
knowledge
 . In conclusion , in order to have a logical
compartion
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comparison
 between the advantages and disadvantages
in
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of
show examples
 the
statment
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statement
 that was mentioned above , we should take into consideration what type of
field
 the person will work in that includes the specific
requirments
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requirements
 in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to that
field
 .
Submitted by nouf.alkhalaifi2 on

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task achievement
While your introduction sets the stage well, it can be made even clearer by specifying your stance on the advantages and disadvantages of valuing experience over knowledge in the workplace. Define your position early on for the reader.
supported main points
Your essay offers good insights, but supporting main points with more relevant and detailed examples can strengthen your argument. Try to include a variety of specifics or case studies.
logical structure
Ensure logical sequencing between paragraphs. For instance, transitioning from discussing fields that require academic knowledge to those that benefit from hands-on experience can be smoother for better coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the discussion well, reflecting back on the importance of considering the field-specific requirements.
logical structure
The essay maintains a clear structure with distinct paragraphs dedicated to different points of view, which helps in maintaining good coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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