You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life?Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.You should write at least 250 words.
Famous
people
have been in our world since
Change preposition
for
long
time ago, Correct article usage
a long
however
our point of view about them has changed. The point of Add a comma
however,
this
essay is discuss
Fix the infinitive
to discuss
about
the advantages and disadvantages of having a popular and known name, and what can be the consequences of Remove the preposition
apply
this
.
Firstly
, we are going to explain different social media troughout
time. Certainly, they have changed according Correct your spelling
throughout
with
Change preposition
to
Correct article usage
the avances
avances
of technology. Correct your spelling
advances
For instance
, about 40 years ago, the way to show life famous people
was using a camera by paparazzis
. And all Correct your spelling
paparazzi
information
was printed in magazines. Correct article usage
the information
The
following years, program Change preposition
In the
tv
was the way to talk about them. Correct your spelling
TV
However
, currently
social media is connected with Add a comma
currently,
Inthernet
and applications that we normally use with our Correct your spelling
Internet
movil
Correct your spelling
mobile
phone
. Everything is connected and faster. Anyway, Fix the agreement mistake
phones
as
using a camera, Change preposition
by
as
a magazine or Change preposition
apply
phone
, famous Correct article usage
a phone
people
are notably exposed, making it more pressure for them. Nothing is perfect, and everything have
a price in Change the verb form
has
this
life.
On the one hand, being famous people
has wonderful advantages, above all
if we are talking about earning money. That is
the first and main reason that people
think about it.
On the other hand
, having a famous name in this
world has notably
disadvantages. At Change the word
notable
first,
the pressure of the opinion from others, because you will receive as good as bad reviews and comments. Moreover
, they have to show their part of living that can be interesting for the rest of people
. Consequently
, this
type of pressure might take you to Correct article usage
the drugs
drugs
world. The singer Amy Winehouse is a good example of Change the noun form
drug
this
.
In conclusion, many people
desire to be famous person, but, do they really think about all is
behind it? Are they willing to achieve it despite Correct pronoun usage
that is
disadvantages
? In my opinion, if you achieve to be a very Correct article usage
the disadvantages
well known
person it will be your choice, and every effort in Add a hyphen
well-known
this
life is worth it.Submitted by lydiagarcia.gr on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay does have a clear introduction and conclusion, but the main body needs more structured paragraphs. Try to maintain a clear focus in each paragraph and avoid repeating points.
task achievement
Including more specific examples and real-life situations will enrich your arguments and make them more convincing. Try to present a balanced argument by equally discussing both views before stating your opinion.
task achievement
You provided a good historical context about how the treatment of famous people by media has evolved with technology. This shows your awareness of the topic's depth.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your opinion, posing thought-provoking questions that engage the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?