IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life?Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #life
Famous
people
 have been in our world
since
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for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago,
however
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however,
show examples
 our point of view about them has changed. The point of
this
 essay is
discuss
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to discuss
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about
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apply
show examples
the advantages and disadvantages of having a popular and known name, and what can be the consequences of
this
.
Firstly
, we are going to explain different social media
troughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 time. Certainly, they have changed according
with
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to
show examples
Correct article usage
the avances
show examples
avances
Correct your spelling
advances
 of technology.
For instance
, about 40 years ago, the way to show life famous
people
 was using a camera by
paparazzis
Correct your spelling
paparazzi
show examples
. And all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 was printed in magazines.
The
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In the
show examples
 following years, program
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 was the way to talk about them.
However
,
currently
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currently,
show examples
 social media is connected with
Inthernet
Correct your spelling
Internet
 and applications that we normally use with our
movil
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mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
. Everything is connected and faster. Anyway,
as
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by
show examples
 using a camera,
as
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apply
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a magazine or
phone
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a phone
show examples
, famous
people
 are notably exposed, making it more pressure for them. Nothing is perfect, and everything
have
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has
show examples
 a price in
this
 life. On the one hand, being famous
people
 has wonderful advantages,
above all
 if we are talking about earning money.
That is
 the first and main reason that
people
 think about it.
On the other hand
, having a famous name in
this
 world has
notably
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notable
show examples
 disadvantages. At
first,
the pressure of the opinion from others, because you will receive as good as bad reviews and comments.
Moreover
, they have to show their part of living that can be interesting for the rest of
people
.
Consequently
,
this
 type of pressure might take you to
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the drugs
show examples
drugs
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drug
show examples
 world. The singer Amy Winehouse is a good example of
this
. In conclusion, many
people
 desire to be famous person, but, do they really think about all
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 behind it? Are they willing to achieve it despite
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
? In my opinion, if you achieve to be a very
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 person it will be your choice, and every effort in
this
 life is worth it.
Submitted by lydiagarcia.gr on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does have a clear introduction and conclusion, but the main body needs more structured paragraphs. Try to maintain a clear focus in each paragraph and avoid repeating points.
task achievement
Including more specific examples and real-life situations will enrich your arguments and make them more convincing. Try to present a balanced argument by equally discussing both views before stating your opinion.
task achievement
You provided a good historical context about how the treatment of famous people by media has evolved with technology. This shows your awareness of the topic's depth.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your opinion, posing thought-provoking questions that engage the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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