You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life?Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.You should write at least 250 words.

Famous
people
have been in our world
since
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for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time ago,
however
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however,
show examples
our point of view about them has changed. The point of
this
essay is
discuss
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to discuss
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about
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apply
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the advantages and disadvantages of having a popular and known name, and what can be the consequences of
this
.
Firstly
, we are going to explain different social media
troughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
time. Certainly, they have changed according
with
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to
show examples
Correct article usage
the avances
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avances
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advances
of technology.
For instance
, about 40 years ago, the way to show life famous
people
was using a camera by
paparazzis
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paparazzi
show examples
. And all
information
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the information
show examples
was printed in magazines.
The
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In the
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following years, program
tv
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TV
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was the way to talk about them.
However
,
currently
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currently,
show examples
social media is connected with
Inthernet
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Internet
and applications that we normally use with our
movil
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mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
. Everything is connected and faster. Anyway,
as
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by
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using a camera,
as
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apply
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a magazine or
phone
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a phone
show examples
, famous
people
are notably exposed, making it more pressure for them. Nothing is perfect, and everything
have
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has
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a price in
this
life. On the one hand, being famous
people
has wonderful advantages,
above all
if we are talking about earning money.
That is
the first and main reason that
people
think about it.
On the other hand
, having a famous name in
this
world has
notably
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notable
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disadvantages. At
first,
the pressure of the opinion from others, because you will receive as good as bad reviews and comments.
Moreover
, they have to show their part of living that can be interesting for the rest of
people
.
Consequently
,
this
type of pressure might take you to
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the drugs
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drugs
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drug
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world. The singer Amy Winehouse is a good example of
this
. In conclusion, many
people
desire to be famous person, but, do they really think about all
is
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that is
show examples
behind it? Are they willing to achieve it despite
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
show examples
? In my opinion, if you achieve to be a very
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
person it will be your choice, and every effort in
this
life is worth it.
Submitted by lydiagarcia.gr on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does have a clear introduction and conclusion, but the main body needs more structured paragraphs. Try to maintain a clear focus in each paragraph and avoid repeating points.
task achievement
Including more specific examples and real-life situations will enrich your arguments and make them more convincing. Try to present a balanced argument by equally discussing both views before stating your opinion.
task achievement
You provided a good historical context about how the treatment of famous people by media has evolved with technology. This shows your awareness of the topic's depth.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your opinion, posing thought-provoking questions that engage the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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