IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the inforamtion by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #inforamtion #features #comparisons
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The pictures depict the changes that have been done in Grange
Park
 from 1920 to the present.
Overall
, except for one of the Rose gardens on the northwest of the map and two entrances, all parts of the
park
 were converted and used for other purposes.
To begin
 with, all the seats and the fountain where a rose garden were placed in the middle of the map and they put four seats around it. On the west of the map, the stage where musicians played there changed into an Amphitheatre for concerts with lots of seats. By looking at the Eastern side, they built a water feature on the southeast of the
park
.
Besides
, people have a chance to access to underground car
park
 because it is near to water feature. The pond for water plants which was on the northeast was demolished in 1920 and a children’s play area was constructed there.
Also
, they built a café on the left side of the pond which was the Rose Garden before.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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spelling grammar
Try to eliminate minor errors in spelling and grammar to improve clarity. For example, 'inforamtion' should be 'information', 'they put' could be more formal, perhaps 'they have placed'.
structure
Consider separating the introduction from the first paragraph to improve clarity. This will help make it clear where the overview ends and the detailed description begins.
content
It would be helpful to add information about all parts of the park. For instance, mention what happened to the Glasshouse and the main entrance.
content
The essay effectively contrasts the past and present features of the park.
vocabulary
The vocabulary used is varied and relevant to the topic; words such as 'depict', 'demolished', and 'access' are appropriate.
clarity
The use of directional language like 'northwest', 'southeast', and 'northeast' helps to clearly describe the locations of different features in the park.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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