People today often use the internet to learn about the culture of other countries. This means that it is not that important to travel to those countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged that more and more individuals prefer to acquire cultural knowledge of other countries
throughout
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through
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the
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apply
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social media, decreasing a desire for adventure and observing in practice those areas. In my opinion, the primary source of
this
phenomenon is
financial
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the financial
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condition of
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the commuinty
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commuinty
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community
rather than the advent of new technologies. With the immense
extention
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extension
of accessibility of
high tech
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high-tech
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technologies, people
siginificantly
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significantly
integrated the use of the internet in their lives.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, it gave
opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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to easily learn
diverse
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about diverse
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cultures from suburban areas and far-flung corners of the world with just a click of a button.
For instance
, in Kazan, the number of
population
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the population
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interested in virtual tourism increased dramatically over the
last
decade, representing 30% of the market, triggering other entrepreneurs to launch
similar
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a similar
the similar
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business.
In addition
, tourist firms with traditional packages experienced a market reduction, and 20% of them ultimately collapsed.
On the other hand
, in my opinion, a majority of drawbacks could be linked to the
people
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people's
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prosperity, financial
unstability
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instability
, and low wages.
For example
, in Moscow,
according to
the statistics, 45% of citizens cannot afford overseas
travels
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travel
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during the
last
2 decades, having
discouraged
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been discouraged
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by lower family revenues.
Subsequently
, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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folks prefer to discover new cultures and countries by watching descriptive videos from social media like Facebook,
Youtube
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YouTube
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and Instagram. Even though visiting in person your desired destinations is more efficient in terms of acquiring more cultural and local details, financial circumstances could play a key role and become the primary disadvantage. In conclusion,
while
web applications can benefit people by reaching various
location
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locations
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throughout the internet for free, travelling
those
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to those
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places yourself is still the most effective way of learning
new
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about new
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cultures.
However
,
tourists
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tourists'
tourist's
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wealth conditions could play a vital role in covering their expenses.
Submitted by gainutdin87 on

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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt, presenting a clear argument against the idea that the internet can fully replace the experience of traveling to other countries. However, a bit more nuanced discussion could further strengthen the task response. Try to incorporate more perspectives to enrich the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains coherence with a logical structure. Each paragraph develops a single main idea, which is helpful for reader understanding. However, consider improving the use of transition words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and variety to increase clarity and comprehension of ideas. Some sentences are too complex or slightly awkward, which can detract from the essay's overall clarity. Consider simplifying where possible but ensuring depth in ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion that clearly frame the discussion. This helps to give the essay a clear sense of direction and purpose.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the statistics about virtual tourism in Kazan and financial conditions in Moscow, helps to illustrate the points being made more vividly.
task achievement
The essay makes a compelling argument, effectively presenting reasons why financial conditions may deter travel and favor the use of the internet for cultural learning. This analysis provides clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural immersion
  • virtual tours
  • biases
  • authenticity
  • cuisine
  • perpetuate
  • sustainable tourism
  • misinterpretations
  • personal relationships
  • language acquisition
  • social media platforms
  • information accessibility
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