People today often use the internet to learn about the culture of other countries. This means that it is not that important to travel to those countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged that more and more individuals prefer to acquire cultural knowledge of other countries
throughout
Change preposition
through
the
social media, decreasing a desire for adventure and observing in practice those areas. In my opinion, the primary source of Correct article usage
apply
this
phenomenon is financial
condition of Add an article
the financial
Correct article usage
the commuinty
commuinty
rather than the advent of new technologies.
With the immense Correct your spelling
community
extention
of accessibility of Correct your spelling
extension
high tech
technologies, people Add a hyphen
high-tech
siginificantly
integrated the use of the internet in their lives. Correct your spelling
significantly
Futhermore
, it gave Correct your spelling
Furthermore
opportunity
to easily learn Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
diverse
cultures from suburban areas and far-flung corners of the world with just a click of a button. Change preposition
about diverse
For instance
, in Kazan, the number of population
interested in virtual tourism increased dramatically over the Add an article
the population
last
decade, representing 30% of the market, triggering other entrepreneurs to launch similar
business. Add an article
a similar
the similar
In addition
, tourist firms with traditional packages experienced a market reduction, and 20% of them ultimately collapsed.
On the other hand
, in my opinion, a majority of drawbacks could be linked to the people
prosperity, financial Change noun form
people's
unstability
, and low wages. Correct your spelling
instability
For example
, in Moscow, according to
the statistics, 45% of citizens cannot afford overseas travels
during the Fix the agreement mistake
travel
last
2 decades, having discouraged
by lower family revenues. Add a missing verb
been discouraged
Subsequently
, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
folks prefer to discover new cultures and countries by watching descriptive videos from social media like Facebook, Correct article usage
apply
Youtube
and Instagram. Even though visiting in person your desired destinations is more efficient in terms of acquiring more cultural and local details, financial circumstances could play a key role and become the primary disadvantage.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
YouTube
while
web applications can benefit people by reaching various location
throughout the internet for free, travelling Fix the agreement mistake
locations
those
places yourself is still the most effective way of learning Change preposition
to those
new
cultures. Change preposition
about new
However
, tourists
wealth conditions could play a vital role in covering their expenses.Change noun form
tourists'
tourist's
Submitted by gainutdin87 on
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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt, presenting a clear argument against the idea that the internet can fully replace the experience of traveling to other countries. However, a bit more nuanced discussion could further strengthen the task response. Try to incorporate more perspectives to enrich the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains coherence with a logical structure. Each paragraph develops a single main idea, which is helpful for reader understanding. However, consider improving the use of transition words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and variety to increase clarity and comprehension of ideas. Some sentences are too complex or slightly awkward, which can detract from the essay's overall clarity. Consider simplifying where possible but ensuring depth in ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion that clearly frame the discussion. This helps to give the essay a clear sense of direction and purpose.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the statistics about virtual tourism in Kazan and financial conditions in Moscow, helps to illustrate the points being made more vividly.
task achievement
The essay makes a compelling argument, effectively presenting reasons why financial conditions may deter travel and favor the use of the internet for cultural learning. This analysis provides clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the prompt.
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