A recent newspaper article reports that a 14 year old boy, who seriously damaged his school, got a punishment to clean streets instead of being sent to the prison. Do you think young criminals should be sent to prison or should alternative forms of punishment be used?
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In the past, trade used to take place by
cash
or plastic money
only. Since in
the rise of technology, most countries have switched over from traditional Change preposition
apply
method
and have adapted the Fix the agreement mistake
methods
way using
their cellular Verb problem
use of
phone
to pay for the things they purchase, regardless if
Correct your spelling
of
that’s
an online or offline method of payment. In Correct word choice
whether’s
this
essay
we will discuss Add a comma
essay,
about
the advantages of paying Remove the preposition
apply
from
Change preposition
for
the
mobile Correct article usage
a
phone
.
In developed and developing countries, the practice of exchanging money
over the device has been in
Change preposition
on
rise
and Correct article usage
the rise
popular
. Recently, after the pandemic Covid-19 people preferred using their smart devices to pay at Replace the word
popularity
retail
Add an article
the retail
a retail
shop
, restaurants, ticket bookings and even Fix the agreement mistake
shops
if
Correct word choice
apply
they
wanted to exchange Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
within
family and friends. Sending Change preposition
with
money
from phones doesn’t involves
handling the Change the verb form
involve
cash
which might be touched by many people, thus
reducing the spread of any disease. For instance
, I exchanged cash
at a grocery store and received some cash
back, the bill that I received found
to be quite stinky and didn’t Add a missing verb
was found
looked
Change the verb form
look
hygiene
at all.
Another Replace the word
hygienic
best
thing about your smart device is being the most accessible at times when you don’t have exact change. Simply scanning the QR code or tapping your Correct word choice
good
phone
over the terminal with the help of NFC in the mobile device has made life easier. Record keeping of the transactions made
easy and there are Add a missing verb
is made
less
chances of Change the quantifier
fewer
money-laundering
as well.
Correct your spelling
money laundering
To conclude
, the use of Add an article
the smart
a smart
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
phone
to pay for the
things is the best option when it comes to hygiene and accessibility. Soon, we will see mobile Correct article usage
apply
application
updating even more which can lead to reducing fraud and Fix the agreement mistake
applications
easier
.Replace the word
easily
Submitted by shahpmanan on
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task achievement
For a higher task response score, ensure that all points are adequately supported with relevant examples. For instance, more specific instances of how mobile payments reduce disease spread could be used.
coherence cohesion
Work on clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve overall coherence and cohesion. Words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Lastly' can help in structuring the essay better.
coherence cohesion
Make sure every sentence is grammatically correct and clear. Phrases like 'didn’t looked hygiene' should be 'didn't look hygienic,' and 'being the most accessible at times' should be more concisely written.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay rather than introducing new ideas.
task achievement
The essay introduces the main topic and stays focused on it, which is good for task response.
task achievement
The essay provides real-world examples to support the points, enhancing the argument's credibility.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the main discussion points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.