In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.
Medical care over the past century has widely evolved, the
people
greatly advanced in healing the
most illnesses and providing care Correct article usage
apply
about
the population. Change preposition
for
As a consequence
, the
Correct article usage
apply
people
live longer, which has influence
on many aspects of Add an article
an influence
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
. In this
essay
I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of longevity and give my opinion, Add a comma
essay,
Change preposition
on why
why
Change preposition
on why
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
life
has benefits.
One obvious issue with an ageing population is economic strain. The older people
retire, and
the government should ensure Correct word choice
apply
them
free medical Change the pronoun
their
service
, social welfare and some privileges, Fix the agreement mistake
services
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
provide
them with work. Wrong verb form
providing
This
raises the question of whether employers will be able to retain jobs for older people
without depriving younger professionals. On the one hand, the state should not fire pensioners, on the other hand
, the labor
market should develop and be full of new workers with fresh ideas.
Having said that, one obvious benefit of increasing Change the spelling
labour
life
expectancy is cultural preservation. The older people
can save the history and culture for the young generation. It can connect the
Correct article usage
apply
people
and let
Verb problem
make
the
society Correct article usage
apply
be
stronger. Unnecessary verb
apply
Therefore
, the older people
can share their wisdom. In my country
it is very importantAdd a comma
country,
,
because there Remove the comma
apply
is
a lot of heritage programs, where the knowledge of older Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
is seeking
. As an example Wrong verb form
sought
for
cultural preservation, there is a German program SES (Senior Expert Service), Change preposition
of
when
Correct word choice
where
the
retired experts travel around the world and share their experience and knowledge in different fields.
Weighing up both sides of the argument again, the increasing Correct article usage
apply
life
expectancy has both positive and negative aspects. The socioeconomic factors can be challenging but the standards of living and positive relationships in the society worth
it. I think that longevity in the fast-paced world is Add a missing verb
are worth
Correct article usage
a
the
sign of Correct article usage
a
Correct article usage
a healthy
healthy
population.Correct article usage
a healthy
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point that directly addresses the topic. Additionally, strengthen the examples provided by making them more specific and relevant to the argument being made.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will make your arguments flow more smoothly and help the reader follow your train of thought better. Also, maintaining a consistent tense and voice throughout the essay will improve readability.
language resource
Pay more attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Varied sentence structures and less repetition will help elevate your score.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy, fulfilling the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
language resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and shows a good range, which helps in conveying the message effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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