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Writing Samples
Band 5

Every country in the world has its own road rules, but many drivers don’t obey them. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#country #world #road #rules #drivers #don’t
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This
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 kind of problem
such
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 as not doing government law has some reasons.
Firstly
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, the culture of learning is so poor;
furthermore
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, the government do not have a plan for learning some important rules in school for children;
as a result
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, when these children become teenagers do not obey the law.
For example
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, in my country kids do not learn how they must do the law when using a bike on the road, so when they grow up and follow
this
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 trend trend they become dangerous people on the road.
Secondly
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,if the authority neither builds good roads nor has good salaries for policemen,
then
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 people do every work they like .
For instance
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, in my country, the highways are not good qualities, and police officers do not write text for dangerous drivers;
therefore
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, you can see a lot of matters in my country.
Nevertheless
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, some methods can be solving these problems.
Initially
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, the government had to improve inhabitants' customers
instead
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 of raising policemen, but
this
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 not only needed a lot of time but
also
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 should start with children. The second one is using cameras and robots to obtain cars which are driving with high risk.
To conclude
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, the governments are the main reason that can develop all aspects of countries
such
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 as the transportation system,
also
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, their work has a lot of effect on societies.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more robust structure. Start with a clear introduction where you define the problem briefly. Follow this with distinct paragraphs for each reason and each solution. Finish with a strong conclusion that summarizes your points.
task achievement
Your argument is valid but could be better articulated with clearer and more detailed examples. Try to use a wider variety of sentence structures to present your ideas more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Correct usage of terminology and a smoother flow of ideas will help in achieving a higher score.
task achievement
You have provided examples to support your points, such as the situation in your country regarding road safety education and road conditions.
task achievement
You have identified key reasons for why drivers do not obey road rules and have suggested some solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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