IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Countries with long avarage working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#countries #avarage #time
In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 to agree or disagree with the
statement
 that
Countries
 with long
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 working time are more economically successful than those
countries
 which do not have long working time is an important issue to discuss . First ,l will present some argumentative supporting
this
statement
, after which , some aspects against that will be discussed. On the one hand , many people agree with
this
statement
 for many important reasons . The most significant is that If
countries
 have long average working hours, it can have a positive impact on economic success. The long working hours can increase productivity and innovation, driving the economy towards growth.
However
, other factors
such
 as quality of life and work-life balance should
also
 be considered.
On the other hand
 other people . Oppose
this
statement
 for many reasons. The most important is that Production is weak and simple
for example
 same
countries
poor
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
don't have products .
Countries
 that have no working hours may face economic and social challenges.
On the other hand
, these policies could lead to a better work-life balance and improve the quality of life for citizens. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea supporting
this
statement
 because its
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
sutweigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 its drawbacks,
for instance
, products straight ,
as well as
 the
quality's
Change the noun form
qualities
quality
show examples
 of products .So it leaves me no doubt that
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 that
Countries
 with long
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 working time are more economically successful.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which is a strong structural foundation. However, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next to improve coherence.
task achievement
Your main points need to be more thoroughly supported with relevant, specific examples. Try to include real-world examples or factual data to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
While you provide arguments for both sides, your points can be clearer and more well-developed. Consider expanding on each idea to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction and conclusion, which helps organize your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: