Task 2 People live longer in some part of the world. What do you think is the reason of this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
it is true that the
lifspan
in some countries Correct your spelling
lifespan
are
more than the others . Correct subject-verb agreement
is
food
qualities can be a prime reasons
for that . I think that it can Correct the article-noun agreement
a prime reason
prime reasons
have
detrimental Verb problem
be
due to
several reasons.
it is apparent that food
is for living longer . individual
require healthy and organic Replace the word
Individuals
food
because source
of lots of Add an article
the source
deasis
like Correct your spelling
diseases
,
diabetes and cancer , is unhealthy Remove the comma
apply
food
and because insome
parts of the words people do not Correct your spelling
some
acess
to a Correct your spelling
access
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
product
or presumably Fix the agreement mistake
products
due to
the price of healthy food
, their normal consumption is junk food
, which as I have mentioned , it is not beneficial . For example
, buying from big fast food
branch
can be cheaper than Fix the agreement mistake
branches
a healthy and organic
Remove the article
healthy and organic food
a portion of healthy and organic food
food
and because of poverty peoples
priority is price rather than its effect on Change noun form
people's
body
.
living longer can not be profitable for the earth and other creatures . providing Add an article
the body
food
and space for myriads of people is not feasible and overpopulation can be perilous for the Earth . more people means more pollution and overconsumption , which can be considered perilous for flora and fauna in particular
endangered species. for instance
, rare
Correct article usage
a rare
specias
named Correct your spelling
species
Correct article usage
the mazandaran
mazandaran
tiger , which lived in Change the capitalization
Mazandaran
iran
, Change the capitalization
Iran
was
died out because of Unnecessary verb
apply
humans
activities Change the noun form
human
such
as poaching and deforastation
.
in conclusion , Correct your spelling
deforestation
human
live longer in some places Fix the agreement mistake
humans
due to
better food
and avioding
Correct your spelling
avoiding
to eat
useless Change the verb form
eating
food
such
as fastfood
. Correct your spelling
fast food
although
, it is not useful for our planet and other animals and planets.Submitted by yasaman.bozorgzad9 on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity and coherence of your ideas by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs each focusing on a single main point. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas with more supporting details and relevant examples. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and improve your essay's depth.
task achievement
You made valid points about the impact of food quality and the implications of longer lifespans on the environment.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning and conclusion which help frame the discussion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite