More and more people are using computer and electric device to access information. Therefore, there is no need for printed books, magazine and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
The world
have
reached the information technology era. Miscellaneous electronic devices, Change the verb form
has
such
as computers, smartphones, VR devices, and iPads, is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
a
indispensable part of our life. The creation of the internet Change the article
an
have
changed our world and ideas about Change the verb form
has
technologies
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
technology
ones
have become obsolete, Correct pronoun usage
apply
whereas
others have become popular. Many people
believe that we will use only new ones
in the future, while
others believe in the contrary opinion. We will discuss some obsolete technologies namely printed books
, magazines
, and newspapers
in this
essay.
To begin
with printed books
. In spite of prevalence
of electronic Add an article
the prevalence
books
, paper books
are sold with the
great success. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, its cost is more than price
of Correct article usage
the price
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
books
. It happens because many people
love printed books
, somebody reads ones
easier or like atmosphere
of vintage times Add an article
the atmosphere
therefore
many people
preserve long-standing books
in their home libraries. Also
you can read paper Add a comma
Also,
books
even if your gadget will be discharged. All in all, I am convinced certanly
that paper Correct your spelling
certainly
books
will be rife in the future.
The next point of this
essay is magazines
. It is common in houses of vary
services. It was a light reading in prior times. Replace the word
various
People
have been reading magazines
until they wait
a service. Nowadays, Add the preposition
wait for
people
can be find
more interesting Change the verb form
find
pastime
Fix the agreement mistake
pastimes
in
their phones, Change preposition
on
for example
, the
mobile games. Correct article usage
apply
According to
my opinion, magazines
have lost its
significance.
The latest point of Correct pronoun usage
their
this
essay is newspapers
. It is similar
situation to Add an article
a similar
magazines
. In last
century Correct article usage
the last
newspapers
were a significant source of information, but ones
have lost Correct pronoun usage
they
this
function and become useless. While
many elderly men reads
Change the verb form
read
newspapers
, but
the young generation doesn't use Correct word choice
apply
ones
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Hence
the future doesn't exist for it.
In conclusion, I will repeat my position. Printed books
have the
great prospects Correct article usage
apply
due to
amateurs of the corresponding aesthetics. Nevertheless
, magazines
and newspapers
are leaving our world unfortunately
.Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately
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task achievement
Your essay presents a good understanding of the topic, but some ideas can be expanded further to provide a more comprehensive response. For example, you could delve deeper into why people still prefer printed books despite the convenience of digital formats.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are logically developed. Some of the points in your essay, particularly in the sections about magazines and newspapers, could be better organized to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
There were minor grammatical errors and some sentence structures that were awkward. For instance, 'The world have reached' should be 'The world has reached' and 'is a indispensable part' should be 'is an indispensable part'. These small grammatical mistakes can disrupt the flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion were well-structured and clearly presented your stance.
relevant specific examples
You provided a variety of examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
complete response
The essay addresses all parts of the task and keeps a clear focus throughout.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example