IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are using computer and electric device to access information. Therefore, there is no need for printed books, magazine and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

The world
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 reached the information technology era. Miscellaneous electronic devices,
such
Linking Words
 as computers, smartphones, VR devices, and iPads,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 indispensable part of our life. The creation of the internet
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 changed our world and ideas about
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. Some
Use synonyms
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have become obsolete,
whereas
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 others have become popular. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that we will use only new
ones
Use synonyms
 in the future,
while
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 others believe in the contrary opinion. We will discuss some obsolete technologies namely printed
books
Use synonyms
,
magazines
Use synonyms
, and
newspapers
Use synonyms
 in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with printed
books
Use synonyms
. In spite of
prevalence
Add an article
the prevalence
show examples
 of electronic
books
Use synonyms
, paper
books
Use synonyms
 are sold with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great success.
Moreover
Linking Words
, its cost is more than
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
books
Use synonyms
. It happens because many
people
Use synonyms
 love printed
books
Use synonyms
, somebody reads
ones
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 easier or like
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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 of vintage times
therefore
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 many
people
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 preserve long-standing
books
Use synonyms
 in their home libraries.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 you can read paper
books
Use synonyms
 even if your gadget will be discharged. All in all, I am convinced
certanly
Correct your spelling
certainly
 that paper
books
Use synonyms
 will be rife in the future. The next point of
this
Linking Words
 essay is
magazines
Use synonyms
. It is common in houses of
vary
Replace the word
various
show examples
 services. It was a light reading in prior times.
People
Use synonyms
 have been reading
magazines
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 until they
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
 a service. Nowadays,
people
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 can
be find
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 more interesting
pastime
Fix the agreement mistake
pastimes
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their phones,
for example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile games.
According to
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 my opinion,
magazines
Use synonyms
 have lost
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 significance. The latest point of
this
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 essay is
newspapers
Use synonyms
. It is
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 situation to
magazines
Use synonyms
. In
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last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 century
newspapers
Use synonyms
 were a significant source of information, but
Use synonyms
ones
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have lost
this
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 function and become useless.
While
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 many elderly men
reads
Change the verb form
read
show examples
newspapers
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the young generation doesn't use
Use synonyms
ones
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Hence
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 the future doesn't exist for it. In conclusion, I will repeat my position. Printed
books
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great prospects
due to
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 amateurs of the corresponding aesthetics.
Nevertheless
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,
magazines
Use synonyms
 and
newspapers
Use synonyms
 are leaving our world
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a good understanding of the topic, but some ideas can be expanded further to provide a more comprehensive response. For example, you could delve deeper into why people still prefer printed books despite the convenience of digital formats.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are logically developed. Some of the points in your essay, particularly in the sections about magazines and newspapers, could be better organized to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
There were minor grammatical errors and some sentence structures that were awkward. For instance, 'The world have reached' should be 'The world has reached' and 'is a indispensable part' should be 'is an indispensable part'. These small grammatical mistakes can disrupt the flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion were well-structured and clearly presented your stance.
relevant specific examples
You provided a variety of examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
complete response
The essay addresses all parts of the task and keeps a clear focus throughout.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital devices
  • access information
  • printed materials
  • immersive experience
  • environmental concerns
  • tactile experience
  • digital divide
  • relevant
  • technology access
  • eco-friendly
What to do next:
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