Some people say that the government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been frequently argued that investing in looking after the seniors has brought ample advantages,
while
a few masses opine that it has detrimental consequences for the tutoring of the youth. In
this
essay, I would like to shed light on both perspectives
along with
my opinion in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
people
should recognize that politicians ought to utilize
money
for the elderly. A very important point to consider is that they are of retirement age;
hence
, they need a pension to maintain their lives.
This
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
that it will
be decline
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
the financial burden for individuals who have to take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
. To illustrate
this
point, I would like to mention that older
people
can use allowances from the government
instead
of their children's
money
. Another point is that finding a job at
this
age is the largest challenge for elderly individuals.
Therefore
, without authority support, self-sufficiently
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
to be
impossilble
Correct your spelling
impossible
for them.
On the other hand
, many citizens believe that young
people
are the future of the country.
Therefore
, authorities ought to set aside
money
for children’s learning. An extremely crucial thing to remember is that offspring have become an indispensable tool for developing nations.
For instance
, if teenagers get ideal tutoring, they can widen their horizons and knowledge about global issues.
Moreover
, they have endless potential, and
as a result
, if the government makes a significant investment in them, they will be a source of high-quality employees.
This
indicates that the youth will play a vital role in the economic development of the country.
To sum up
,
people
should have
further
consideration on
this
issue. In my opinion, policymakers should
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
some ways to provide financial support for old residents and use the
money
for the instruction of students.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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task achievement
Make sure that each main point is equally supported with relevant examples or evidence. For instance, while you provided an example for the importance of pensions for the elderly, the argument for investing in the education of young people would benefit from a specific example as well.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more varied linking phrases and words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' and 'Furthermore' can help maintain a good flow of ideas throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction offers a clear outline of the essay's intent—discussing both perspectives and providing your opinion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed, providing a sense of closure.
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