Some people say that the government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It has been frequently argued that investing in looking after the seniors has brought ample advantages,
while
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a few masses opine that it has detrimental consequences for the tutoring of the youth. In
this
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essay, I would like to shed light on both perspectives
along with
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my opinion in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
should recognize that politicians ought to utilize
money
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for the elderly. A very important point to consider is that they are of retirement age;
hence
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, they need a pension to maintain their lives.
This
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mean
Change the verb form
means
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that it will
be decline
Wrong verb form
decrease
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the financial burden for individuals who have to take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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. To illustrate
this
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point, I would like to mention that older
people
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can use allowances from the government
instead
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of their children's
money
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. Another point is that finding a job at
this
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age is the largest challenge for elderly individuals.
Therefore
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, without authority support, self-sufficiently
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
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to be
impossilble
Correct your spelling
impossible
for them.
On the other hand
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, many citizens believe that young
people
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are the future of the country.
Therefore
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, authorities ought to set aside
money
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for children’s learning. An extremely crucial thing to remember is that offspring have become an indispensable tool for developing nations.
For instance
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, if teenagers get ideal tutoring, they can widen their horizons and knowledge about global issues.
Moreover
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, they have endless potential, and
as a result
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, if the government makes a significant investment in them, they will be a source of high-quality employees.
This
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indicates that the youth will play a vital role in the economic development of the country.
To sum up
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,
people
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should have
further
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consideration on
this
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issue. In my opinion, policymakers should
adapt
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adopt
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some ways to provide financial support for old residents and use the
money
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for the instruction of students.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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task achievement
Make sure that each main point is equally supported with relevant examples or evidence. For instance, while you provided an example for the importance of pensions for the elderly, the argument for investing in the education of young people would benefit from a specific example as well.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more varied linking phrases and words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' and 'Furthermore' can help maintain a good flow of ideas throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction offers a clear outline of the essay's intent—discussing both perspectives and providing your opinion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed, providing a sense of closure.
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