Some people think that children should aim to do their best at whatever they are doing. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people argue that offspring should try hard in all of the fields

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

they have participated

while

Linking Words

others disapprove of

this

Linking Words

opinion.Each side has its own merits,and

Change the capitalization

show examples

support the former view. On the one hand,it is said that

children

Use synonyms

should struggle in all of their participating subjects.

For instance

Linking Words

,in some poor families,kids must learn only

english

Change the capitalization

English

show examples

,math and some essential subjects in school,aiming at reaching perfect

score

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

and first place and

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

ranked in the first place in class.The reason is

kids’

Correct article usage

the kids’

show examples

family’s belief of whether by studying and entering a prestigious university,their youngsters could make an important

turning-point

Correct your spelling

turning point

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

their fates.

Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

way is pretty harsh,it may help

children

Use synonyms

have a well-paid job and reduce

financial

Add an article

the financial

show examples

burden on their parents in the future.

On the contrary

Linking Words

,whether kids attempt whatever they are attending has its own disadvantages.Advocates of

this

Linking Words

point think that youngsters should just try hard

in learning

Change preposition

to learn

show examples

language

Add an article

a language

the language

show examples

or main subjects in school

instead

Linking Words

of all of the fields, even sports and leisure activities.The way

children

Use synonyms

put pressure on them to do

the

Change the word

their

show examples

best at everything could cause problems in their mental health

such

Linking Words

as depression,

OCD

Correct word choice

and OCD

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

,kids may lose their carefree childhood which can be their spiritual support when they face difficulties in the future. In conclusion,I reaffirm my conviction that

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

should try hard in every attending subject.

Besides

Linking Words

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

and

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

should care

Use synonyms

children

Change preposition

for children

show examples

to prevent mental

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

by putting more leisure activities in kids’

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

and other similar things

hachuhachuha

Jun 25, 2024

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Language Use

Ensure consistency in using plural and singular forms, like 'subjects' instead of 'field' when referring to multiple areas.

Language Use

Try to maintain a formal tone by avoiding words like 'kids' and using 'children' instead.

Structure

Enhance clarity by dividing longer sentences into shorter ones for better readability, especially in complex arguments.

Content

More specific examples will strengthen arguments, e.g., detailing both the benefits and potential downsides of focusing on diverse areas beyond academics.

Structure

Your essay has a clear and structured format with an identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Task Completion

You discussed both views comprehensively, meeting the task requirement.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

striving for excellence
discipline
perseverance
competitive
reduces pressure
balanced development
fosters creativity
realistic goals
adverse mental health outcomes
achievable aspirations
balanced approach
participation
enjoyment
societal and cultural impact
understanding of success

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Some people think that children should aim to do their best at whatever they are doing. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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