IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that young people should follow traditions of the society. While other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As we move into the twenty-first century in
this
Linking Words
 modernization, everyone has the right to live their
life
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their values and beliefs, though it is debated by several people that following regional customs is imperative,
this
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on both the given views and
also
Linking Words
 the valid point to be in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 with the later view. First of all, it is commonly believed that freedom is equal to individualism.
However
Linking Words
, these are both different concepts
according to
Linking Words
 the research data. It is accepted that humans have only one
life
Use synonyms
 to live so they can spend
according to
Linking Words
 their terms and conditions.
Thus
Linking Words
, thousands of people do so, and it helps to reduce unnecessary burdens in
life
Use synonyms
, but the younger generation takes advantage in an inappropriate way that can ruin their lives.
For example
Linking Words
 in Japan, 70 year old is bullied by friends, saying that he is obsolete and cannot hang out with them because he leaves with his parents at young age and that boy committed suicide after that.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, conservatism has people to be committed to the root values of tradition.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is crucial to be resilient and adapt with time but
connection
Replace the word
connect
show examples
 with the spiritual and customs representative as a confident person state.
For instance
Linking Words
, the famous billionaire Bill Gates states on a national elevation that spirituality and persistence are the keys to success, and no one should forget, from where they come. In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
 me, living
life
Use synonyms
 with a lot of freedom is important but not more than our true beliefs and ethics. Acceptance of core values and own tradition is a sign of insightful character.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully. For instance, when you talk about the misuse of freedom by the younger generation, provide more specific examples or elaborate further to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of your essay are equally developed. Some parts feel more detailed than others, which can cause imbalance in your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Review the structure of your argumentative points. Sometimes they seem to be slightly disjointed. Try to create a more seamless flow between paragraphs by linking ideas.
introduction
Your introduction is clear and outlines the topic well, and you have a good grasp of the debate.
conclusion
You provide a strong conclusion that reinforces your main argument.
task achievement
You use relevant examples to support your ideas, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sense of identity
  • Cultural background
  • Community unity
  • Formative years
  • Significant meanings
  • Passed down
  • Creativity and innovation
  • New ideas and perspectives
  • Societal progress
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Outdated or irrelevant
  • Adhering to traditions
  • Meaningful and relevant
What to do next:
Look at other essays: