IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government of many countries had to impose a lockdown to control the Coronavirus pandemic. What were the advantages and disadvantages of this lockdown.Give eamples from your own experience

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In 2019, the world we are living in was attacked with coronavirus and caused massive deaths around the world. As soon as
this
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 pandemic hit, many countries had to implement lockdowns immediately to safeguard their country.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of restricting the
movement
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 that lasted almost two to three years.
Firstly
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, the prime
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of lockdown during
this
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 pandemic was it was able to control the spread of the virus.
Thus
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, many companies were ordered to allow their employees to work from home, shops and certain government premises were closed down, and more online education was implemented in schools and universities in order to minimize the
movement
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 of
people
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.
However
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,
people
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 were allowed to leave their houses at a certain period of time to get their daily needs and groceries.
For example
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,
this
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 initiative in Malaysia has reduced the rate of spread tremendously which saved many lives.
Nonetheless
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, there are disadvantages of
this
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 imposed
movement
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 that have affected the lives of Malaysians in general. The social life of many
people
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 was affected
due to
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 a lack of human interaction and many adults went into mental stress leading to depression.
For instance
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, it was reported that Malaysia faced a shortage of psychologists during
this
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 period and
also
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 obesity rate increased
due to
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 lack of physical
movement
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 and stress.
Nevertheless
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, families from low income faced financial constraints causing many couples to divorce and
suicide
Correct article usage
the suicide
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 rate
also
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 went up. In conclusion, the lockdown had curbed the spread of coronavirus during the pandemic
thus
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 forcing the government to impose a lockdown in order to save the country and its
people
Use synonyms
 despite losing many of its citizens.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of lockdown, there are instances where the points could be elaborated in more detail to enhance clarity and depth. For instance, the psychological impact and economic hardships mentioned could be expanded with additional examples and data.
coherence cohesion
Using transition words and phrases more consistently would improve the flow of the essay. Phrases like 'On the other hand,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition,' can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of lockdown, providing a clear overview of what to expect in the essay.
supported main points
The essay uses relevant examples, such as the situation in Malaysia, to support the main points, which enhances credibility and relatability.
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