Should smoking be completely banned everywhere, with no one allowed to smoke anywhere?

#smoke

It is sometimes argued that smoking should be completely banned everywhere. No one can

smoke

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apply

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anywhere because smoking causes bad effects to the public or themselves. In my opinion, I completely

argee

Correct your spelling

agree

that would be a good idea. Smoking is bad for everyone.

Firstly

, smoking can hurt the

people

who are smoking

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apply

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daily.

People

may not realize smoking can produce

lot

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a lot

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of bad materials. Those materials can hurt their health and may affect their lives.

According to

BBC News, over 500,000

people

in Hong Kong have health problems because they

smoke

a lot.

Also

, their bodies are getting worse by smoking since they become older. That shows a serious result for us. Smoking is totally bad for every

people

Fix the agreement mistake

person

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Secondly

, smoking can

also

hurt

smoker's

Correct article usage

a smoker's

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family or other person.

The scientists

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Scientists

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are already

prove

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proven

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smoking

Correct your spelling

not

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only affects

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apply

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the

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apply

show examples

smokers

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

affects

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apply

show examples

other

people

since they smell the

smoke

. The bad materials from

smoke

can go to their lung and make them

breath

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breathe

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harder.

According to

the

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show examples

report by China, it finds

the

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apply

show examples

people

who live near

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apply

show examples

the

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apply

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smokers

will get sick easily.

As a result

, it makes

people

die

eariler

Correct your spelling

earlier

. In my opinion, the government should take more tax from the

smokers

. In

conlcusion

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conclusion

, I totally agree that smoking should be banned by

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

. Smoking not only affects

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smokers

. It

also

affects

other person

Change the wording

another person

other people

show examples

Submitted by millstonelee on Tue Jun 25 2024

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grammar vocabulary

Focus on refining your grammar and vocabulary. There are several grammar mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('smoking can produce lot of bad materials' should be 'smoking can produce a lot of bad materials'). Vocabulary could also be improved by using more advanced and varied words.

supporting evidence

Provide more examples and evidence to support your points. This would help in enhancing the quality of your arguments. Try to cite a variety of sources or hypothetical situations to strengthen your essay.

introduction conclusion

The introduction clearly states your opinion and the conclusion reiterates this well, providing a sense of closure.

main points clarity

The main points are generally clear and relate directly to the topic, showcasing a good understanding of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

233 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Should smoking be completely banned everywhere, with no one allowed to smoke anywhere?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that they should not go to school until they are older.

Some people believe that children should be allowed to go out for outdoor activities. While others believe that children should stay at home most of the time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teacher in the classroom.

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.