IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development . Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Minh

#trend #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #people #individuals #society #minh
In the contemporary era ,
media
 has always been a bridge between national events and citizens. Some individuals believe that in the present day, it is concentrating more
an
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 issues and critical emergencies leaving the positiveness. In
this
 context , residents
also
 say that
this
 may
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative influence on the dwellers around and
also
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the community. I really see a point in it and readily agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it . Through
this
 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss the given statement give my opinion and
then
 conclude it To commence with , since the
media
 is nowadays concerned only
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewership rather than content, it is giving lots of importance to cover the breaking
news
 in the nation. In developing countries, there will always be many issues raised by people and
this
 will be caught by the
media
 .
For example
 ,
news
 like the murder of a famous person
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 be
telescated
Correct your spelling
telecasted
 repeatedly in order to attract more viewers .
Furthermore
 , if many young ones watch
this kinds
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of topics frequently, it will affect their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
as a result
 affecting society. 
Hence
 many are of the opinion that broadcasting should stop concentrating on showing only the shocking
news
 and try to give some really important information like
article
Add an article
an article
the article
show examples
 about the newest method in order to cure cancer and some role models in working and studying to encourage people
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 adolescents.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 kinds of articles can help citizens realize that there are many positive things in life and they should be
Correct your spelling
grateful
greatful
Correct your spelling
grateful
 for having a peaceful and comfortable life
To conclude
 , considering all the facts , the
media
 should
also
 concentrate on giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about other aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 life
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breaking
news
 to society
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses various aspects of the topic, but it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement and topic sentences. This will help the reader easily identify your stance and follow your arguments. Additionally, be mindful of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. You can achieve this by using stronger transition words and phrases.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, providing a clear context for the discussion and outlining your plan to address the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion succinctly wraps up the discussion, reiterating your main point and providing a final thought on the topic. This gives a sense of closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: