Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
A lot of countries around the world have a system of recruiting young adults into military
service
after they finish their education. Some people
praise this
system and wish if
other countries adopt it too. Correct word choice
apply
This
issue is debatable, therefore
, in this
essay
I will discuss both sides and give my side.
Military training is important because it teaches Add a comma
essay,
a
young Correct article usage
apply
people
about patriotism therefore
creating loyal citizens. Young people
are at the
risk of being corrupted to turn against their own governments, especially in Correct article usage
apply
this
age of social media and internet
where a Correct article usage
the internet
lot
bad information is circulated. Add the preposition
lot of
However
, programs like military training encourage these young men to stand vigilant and be loyal to their customs irrespective of what the enemy might feed them.
More-so
, military Correct your spelling
More so
service
helps young people
develop life skills, they learn different things such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
self defense
, discipline, Add a hyphen
self-defense
hands on
jobs and many more.
Add a hyphen
hands-on
However
, on the other
hand
these military services are used to Add a comma
hand,
brain wash
the young. They manipulate them to avoid criticism Correct your spelling
brainwash
against
their misgovernance and corruption in the name of patriotism. These young adults are Change preposition
of
also
at risk of being used by the Regime to do their dirty work. For
example
in Zimbabwe there was a military Add a comma
example,
service
for youths called Boarder Gezi, these people
were used by the government during presidential
election to intimidate the Add an article
the presidential
a presidential
mass
not to vote for the Opposition party. It was the Fix the agreement mistake
masses
worse
thing ever because the young men and women were being turned against their own Correct word choice
worst
people
.
in conclusion, I strongly believe that military service
is important and useful to our youths but it must not be compulsory. It must be there for those willing, more
Correct word choice
and more
importantly
governments should desist from using these cadres to perform their dirty deeds.
should not be Add a comma
importantly,
Correct your spelling
compulsory
compulsary
but for those willingCorrect your spelling
compulsory
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grammar
Improve grammar and syntax by reviewing pronoun and article use.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and proper transitions to the next point.
task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are supported by more detailed and varied examples.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of compulsory military service.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly frame the argument.
coherence cohesion
The points are generally clear and organized in a logical manner.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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