Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People mostly think that
person
who Correct article usage
the person
causing
the Change the form of the verb
caused
crime
have
to Correct subject-verb agreement
has
be punish
by Change the verb form
be punished
put
in Add a missing verb
being put
prison
but someother
debate that there are some better way to alternatives. Correct your spelling
others
From
my opinion, Change the preposition
In
i
do agree with Change the capitalization
I
statement
people should be in Correct article usage
the statement
charged
Change the form of the verb
charge
for
what they have done.
On the one hand, Change preposition
of
put
people in jail is an effective way to Wrong verb form
putting
education
and decrease Replace the word
educate
crime
undoubtedly. We should consider for
long Change preposition
apply
prison
time that
Correct word choice
so that
prisoner
will not redo the Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
crime
again. Some research show
that prisoners who Change the verb form
shows
isolate
Wrong verb form
are isolated
with
Change preposition
from
the
society for Correct article usage
apply
long
time have Change the article
a long
higher
chance turn into good citizens. Add an article
a higher
Futher more
, those who committed Correct your spelling
Furthermore
crime
often have poor Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
background
like do not finish school time or have Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
bad
influence in their area, but in Add an article
a bad
prison
beside
the punishment government Change preposition
besides
also
organize
classes or therapy Correct subject-verb agreement
organizes
session
for prisoners to help them achieve knowledge and good for their mental health.
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
On the other hand
, there are some others
ways to deal with crimes.
In conclusion, Correct quantifier usage
other
although
there are some good method
we can treated Fix the agreement mistake
methods
for
each Change preposition
apply
crime
sence
Correct your spelling
scene
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
prison
is the better way for
educate.Change preposition
to
Submitted by ieltsmeister.academic on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is brief and not very clear. While it touches on both views, it doesn't set the stage well for the discussion nor clearly state your own stance. Try to write a more detailed introduction that clearly outlines the views and your own position.
logical structure
Your paragraphs need to be more developed. In the first main paragraph, you mentioned some reasons why imprisoning offenders could be effective, but these points are not very well-supported with detailed arguments or examples.
supported main points
The essay discusses alternatives to imprisonment very briefly in the second body paragraph. This part of the essay should be expanded to provide a more balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion present
While you have a conclusion, it is too brief and does not adequately summarize the key points discussed. Aim for a conclusion that restates the main points in a concise manner.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are several grammatical errors and unclear sentences. For example, 'people mostly think that person who causing the crime have to be punish by put in prison' is not grammatically correct. Review grammar and sentence structure for clarity.
complete response
You attempted to discuss both views, which is good. This shows that you understood the task.
supported main points
The concept that prison can be a means of rehabilitation and education is a good point to include in your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!