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Band 5

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports in the media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. Dương,

#trend #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #people #individuals #society #dương
Reporting problems and emergency
sistuations
Correct your spelling
situations
situation
 has become mainstream in recent years which is thought
bring
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to bring
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 negative effects on our community by some individuals. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with that notion and the paragraphs below will explain my opinion. On the one hand, there are several reasons
Change preposition
for
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of
Change preposition
for
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 broadcasting bad
news
 and one of the most significant
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
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 is that it can raise awareness
Change preposition
in
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of
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in
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For instance
, media platforms demonstrate
for
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apply
show examples
us
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apply
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the appearance of
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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, so that
people
 will have information about the dangerous virus which leads to useful solutions to prevent the deadly disease.
Moreover
, if the information stations broadcast the dark of
the
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apply
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life,
people
 will have some beneficial details about the evils and the crimes around them.
As a result
,
citizen
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a citizen
the citizen
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 will develop their vigilance.
On the other hand
, spreading information about
benefial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 developments can bring them happiness and belief. It can be seen in the reality that if the media
broadcasting
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broadcasts
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news
 about the effective treatment against Covid-19, the
people
 will believe in
siencetists
Correct your spelling
scientists
 and the government.
Therefore
, they will get the determination to defeat the deadly virus.
Additionally
, residents will be motivated to reach
the
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apply
show examples
success if they know about millionaires through media,
such
 as
:
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apply
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news
station
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stations
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,
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and newspaper
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newspaper
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newspapers
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. All in all, there are some
people
think
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who think
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 reporting
news
 that
focus
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focuses
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 on serious issues and social problems may contribute to plenty of disadvantages to the community. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with that view because it helps boost
awareness
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the awareness
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 of the citizen which
also
play
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plays
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 a vital role in motivating
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
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 happiness to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Your essay does a decent job of addressing the topic, but it could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer articulation of how the negative news impacts society positively or negatively.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your second main point about beneficial developments. Explain in more detail how positive news can motivate people and provide a balance between positive and negative news in your argument.
task achievement
To improve the clarity of your ideas, use more varied and precise vocabulary. For example, instead of 'the dark of the life', you could say 'the darker aspects of life' or 'negative situations'. This will help make your points clearer and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay's logical flow. Although your ideas are well-organized, transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be improved to make your argument more cohesive. Use linking phrases such as 'Moreover,', 'Additionally,', and 'Furthermore' appropriately to show the progression of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points, but it could be strengthened by explicitly reiterating how both sides contribute to the public good and stating your stance more assertively. This will reinforce your argument and leave a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'sistuations' instead of 'situations' and 'peole' instead of 'people'. Proofreading your essay can help you catch and correct these mistakes.
general
Your essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your argument.
task achievement
Your point about raising awareness through reporting negative news, such as the Covid-19 example, is strong and well-explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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