IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports in the media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. Dương,

#trend #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #people #individuals #society #dương
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Reporting problems and emergency
sistuations
Correct your spelling
situations
situation
 has become mainstream in recent years which is thought
bring
Fix the infinitive
to bring
show examples
 negative effects on our community by some individuals. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with that notion and the paragraphs below will explain my opinion. On the one hand, there are several reasons
Change preposition
for
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 broadcasting bad
news
Use synonyms
 and one of the most significant
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 is that it can raise awareness
Change preposition
in
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For instance
Linking Words
, media platforms demonstrate
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the appearance of
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
, so that
people
Use synonyms
 will have information about the dangerous virus which leads to useful solutions to prevent the deadly disease.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the information stations broadcast the dark of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life,
people
Use synonyms
 will have some beneficial details about the evils and the crimes around them.
As a result
Linking Words
,
citizen
Add an article
a citizen
the citizen
show examples
 will develop their vigilance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spreading information about
benefial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 developments can bring them happiness and belief. It can be seen in the reality that if the media
broadcasting
Replace the word
broadcasts
show examples
news
Use synonyms
 about the effective treatment against Covid-19, the
people
Use synonyms
 will believe in
siencetists
Correct your spelling
scientists
 and the government.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will get the determination to defeat the deadly virus.
Additionally
Linking Words
, residents will be motivated to reach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success if they know about millionaires through media,
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
news
Use synonyms
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and newspaper
show examples
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
. All in all, there are some
people
Use synonyms
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 reporting
news
Use synonyms
 that
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
show examples
 on serious issues and social problems may contribute to plenty of disadvantages to the community. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with that view because it helps boost
awareness
Correct article usage
the awareness
show examples
 of the citizen which
also
Linking Words
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a vital role in motivating
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 happiness to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a decent job of addressing the topic, but it could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer articulation of how the negative news impacts society positively or negatively.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your second main point about beneficial developments. Explain in more detail how positive news can motivate people and provide a balance between positive and negative news in your argument.
task achievement
To improve the clarity of your ideas, use more varied and precise vocabulary. For example, instead of 'the dark of the life', you could say 'the darker aspects of life' or 'negative situations'. This will help make your points clearer and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay's logical flow. Although your ideas are well-organized, transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be improved to make your argument more cohesive. Use linking phrases such as 'Moreover,', 'Additionally,', and 'Furthermore' appropriately to show the progression of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points, but it could be strengthened by explicitly reiterating how both sides contribute to the public good and stating your stance more assertively. This will reinforce your argument and leave a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'sistuations' instead of 'situations' and 'peole' instead of 'people'. Proofreading your essay can help you catch and correct these mistakes.
general
Your essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your argument.
task achievement
Your point about raising awareness through reporting negative news, such as the Covid-19 example, is strong and well-explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: