Is reading stories from books is better than watching the television or playing video games on computers for children? Do you agree or disagree.

As education began to become a common topic people discuss, some people
assume
Wrong verb form
assumed
show examples
that reading stories from
books
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
better than watching the television or playing video
games
on
computers
for
children
. I personally agree with
this
idea. There are several aspects why reading physical
books
is better for the group of kids.
Firstly
, the book could
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
children
protect their
eyes
better. When youths are developing their body, some factors could cause big effects, book as an item made of natural resources
causes
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
insignificant harm when
using it
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
in an inappropriate way,
such
as having a suitable position of sitting and a reasonable distance between
eyes
and the book. In fact,
computers
, and other devices with screens, are much easier to damage
children
’s
eyes
by employing a variety kind of technologies.
For instance
,
computers
with OLED panels will make human
eyes
extremely sensible
due to
their adjusting rate. When using it for a long time, the
eyes
would be gradually harmed.
Secondly
, reading
books
would improve
children
’s mental health. Reading
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
individuals calm down by being in a mode of concentration, with a long-term process, youngsters would obtain the ability of self-control when it comes to emotions, which is undoubtedly beneficial for the group of
children
since the age range they have is the most difficult time to maintain peace and positive sentiments
due to
the sensibility they have.
By contrast
, the majority of computer
games
and TV shows are somehow intense, sanguinary and extreme, always participating in activities like
this
might make kids more sensible and emotional in daily life, and negative behaviours might occur
according to
their emotions, and
also
makes the possibility of getting mental issues higher.
Finally
, reading
books
makes
children
expand their skills of
imagination
more than watching electronic devices. When reading stories,
children
put themself into the situation
according to
the part of the story they are reading.
Books
don’t usually show images, so kids have plenty of space for their own
imagination
, which enhances the skill of
imagination
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and may
also
better their creativity.
However
,
although
watching the TV or playing video
games
also
benefits
children
’s skills of
imagination
and creativity in some ways,
due to
the number of images and videos they show automatically, the platform for
imagination
is significantly limited. In conclusion, even though there are some advantages to watching the television or playing
games
on
computers
, there are
also
a lot of disadvantages, and reading
books
is much more beneficial for
children
in
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
more ways.
Submitted by jackisthebest2134 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Increase the use of specific examples to support your arguments. Providing more detailed instances will make your essay more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Ensure that each paragraph thoroughly explains its main point before moving on to the next one.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the topic effectively.
logical structure
Logical structure is evident throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point.
complete response
The task response is mostly complete, covering several aspects of the topic clearly.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported, though additional specific examples could further strengthen the arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: